Woodbury Bulletin - 09/24/2008
[Editor’s note: This is the second half of a two-part column.]
This is a continuation of my last column which ended with these words: “If you don’t express yourself, you depress yourself. And to heal your heart, you have to open your heart.”
“To heal your heart, you have to open your heart” is a phrase I read in a book on meditation, This is a simple yet profound truth.
Nobody is born with a heart that is closed. All of us were born with a completely open heart. Newborn babies and young children have open hearts that radiate love and innocence.
An open heart is like sunlight. It radiates love and warmth that nourishes everyone it touches. But like the sun, the heart is often closed in or obscured by clouds.
As we grow up, the bumps and bruises in life gradually train us to protect our tender and vulnerable emotions with a layer of toughness and defensiveness. Over time, this protective layer or clouds gets thicker and it gradually encloses the heart.
What are the clouds that can close our heart and keep it closed? They include fear, anger, resentment, disappointment, judgment, doubt, sadness, sorrow, grief, separation, helplessness, hopelessness, etc.
Many people experience painful and desperate situations in life. We see no way out, no hope and no future. We keep ourselves closed, isolated and chained.
When we are too overwhelmed by these negative emotions, we become depressed.
Discovering a way to express yourself and release these negative feelings is the first step in healing your broken heart.
To heal your heart, you have to work on you heart, not just on your body or your mind.
It’s not enough to work on the mind by changing your thinking, or work on your body by taking some drugs.
True healing of a broken heart can only happen by working directly at the heart level.
Here are some suggestions I offered my friend suffering depression, which I mentioned in my last column.
• Open up
Instead of thinking you have problems you can’t talk about and share with others, find someone to talk to, either a trusted friend or a professional counselor.
Through talking with someone, you can release a lot of negative emotions that have built up inside.
I know when we share our struggles and problems, we will not be laughed at. Quite in opposite, we will not only help ourselves, but also strengthen others in their journey of life.
When we share our struggles and problems, we help others to put their problems in proper perspectives. People can also pray for each other which provides comfort and encouragement.
• Write down
If you really don’t have anyone to talk to, another way to express and release yourself is journaling to let your depressing and negative thoughts out of your mind and body.
Once you write down those negative thoughts and feelings that have occupied your mind and closed your heart, you will feel lighter and better.
• Look in
A friend can give you a shoulder to cry on, a place to pour your heart out and some comfort, but a friend can not give you everlasting peace and joy. This is something only God can do.
Search for and find God in your own way, through reading, through church, through meditation.
In our modern society, most of us are living a more outward, materialist- and ego-centered life. We really need to live a more inward, heart- and spirit-centered life.
Why do we care so much about what we wear and how we look outside than what we feel deep inside? We are not what is on our skin, but we are what is in our heart.
• Get out
Get out and do something that will take your focus away from yourself and your problems.
Meet with friends. Go to church. Help at non-profit organizations. Do some volunteer work to benefit people who are less privileged than you are.
Learn something new. Pursuit a hobby. Simply get out and do something. Just don't stay home and be isolated. It will only make your depression and health conditions worse.
• Find support
Whatever your problem is, whether it is alcohol, drug, or porno addiction, cancer or other diseases, marriage or relationship issues with your spouse, parents or kids, you can probably find self help support groups out there.
In a support group, members help each other through common problems and shared experiences.
Support groups can provide social networks, relevant information, and venues where members can share personal experiences, listen to others’ experiences, and get sympathetic understanding, validation and encouragement.
• Get help
We have to understand that all human beings are imperfect and have problems in life. We need help.
It is not a weakness to say I need help. I can’t do it on my own. We have to take away our ego and pride and seek help with a humble heart.
If your condition doesn’t improve through self-help, then it’s time to get professional help. Find people who are knowledgeable in what they are doing.
• Be creative
Expressing ourselves doesn’t have to be verbal or in writing. Some people can express themselves better through singing, dancing, painting, crafting, and other art forms.
I think the important thing in opening and healing your heart is to express yourselves in whatever forms that can best suit your personality and situations. The key is not how, but just do it, in your own way that is best for you.
The good news is my friend is doing much better now.
I would like to think that the time I spent on the phone with her and the few advices I gave her was helpful in some way.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Open your heart, Part 1
Woodbury Bulletin - 09/17/2008
[Editor’s note: This is the first half of a two-part column.]
Recently, I was on the phone with a friend whom I had not seen for more than 10 years.
After listening to her talk for a few minutes, I realized that she was dealing with depression.
She said she didn’t want to get up, go out of the house and talk to people. Her heart was broken. She felt that everyone’s life was better than hers. And she did not want to talk to others about her problems.
I am not a doctor or psychologist, but I know that these are the symptoms of depression. Approximately 20 million Americans suffer with depression. Nearly twice as many women as men are affected by depression.
When I pointed that out to her, she admitted that she did have depression and it was causing her physical problems as well.
Two things my friend said struck me. I quickly realized that she was wrong in her thinking and behavior. And I was not afraid to speak the truth to her.
In some way, we all make the same assumptions and mistakes.
First of all, we tend to think that we have worse problems than anyone else and everyone else is having a better life. We are all deceived in that thinking, the grass is greener on the other side.
I read a book titled “Everyone is Normal Till You Get to Know Them.” The title really says it all.
We think other people are better off with their lives, with their relationships, with their marriages, with their careers, with their finances, etc.
The fact and truth is we just don't know them well enough to think otherwise.
Whenever I have a heart-to-heart conversation with other people and get to know them on a deeper level, it always reminds me how deceitful the world is.
Everyone experiences so much pain and problems in life. Many are crying inside, from the deep pain and suffering. The pain and suffering are often beyond what our eyes can see and our mind can understand.
As human beings, we can easily get stuck in our thinking and problems.
Our real problems may be small in the real world of problems, but the more we think about them, the bigger they become.
We keep thinking about the same problems over and over, in the process the problems become bigger and we become more miserable.
Then physical and mental diseases will follow inevitably.
We are what we think. If we think we are miserable, then we are miserable.
If we think we are OK and happy, then we are OK and happy.
The second problem is we have been taught “Don’t air your dirty laundry in public.”
We are not supposed to embarrass ourselves and our families by revealing our problems to anyone.
But the fact is when we have anger, resentment and problems that we bottle up inside ourselves and don't talk with anyone, sooner or later, it will cause mental and physical problems or disease, i.e., disharmony of body, mind and spirit.
Medical science has proven that emotional problems cause physical illness.
When we experience problems in life, we shouldn’t feel so shamed and embarrassed that we don’t talk to others and seek help.
Who has no problems? Everyone has problems.
Everyone is not “normal” in some way and every family is dysfunctional in some way.
I like what someone said, “To heal your heart, you have to open your heart.”
If you have a physically sick heart, you probably have to do an open-heart surgery. If you have an emotionally- or psychologically-sick heart, the same solution applies.
You have to open your heart in order to find healing and relief. You have to open your heart to heal your heart. It’s that simple.
If you have a troubled or broken heart, if you feel pain inside, whether it’s anger, resentment, sadness, loneliness, sorrow, fear, anxiety or depression, you can’t close your heart and expect the pain to go away.
It will do you more harm. The first step in the healing process is to open your heart.
If you are depressed, you need to find ways to express yourself, not further depress and suppress yourself by closing your heart and isolating yourself.
Personally, I don’t believe in using drugs as the first step to heal a broken heart and depression. All drugs have side-effects.
In my next column, I will talk about opening your heart and expressing yourself to heal your heart and depression in a more natural and healthy way.
Meanwhile, please remember, if you don’t express yourself, you depress yourself.
And to heal your heart, you have to open your heart.
[Editor’s note: This is the first half of a two-part column.]
Recently, I was on the phone with a friend whom I had not seen for more than 10 years.
After listening to her talk for a few minutes, I realized that she was dealing with depression.
She said she didn’t want to get up, go out of the house and talk to people. Her heart was broken. She felt that everyone’s life was better than hers. And she did not want to talk to others about her problems.
I am not a doctor or psychologist, but I know that these are the symptoms of depression. Approximately 20 million Americans suffer with depression. Nearly twice as many women as men are affected by depression.
When I pointed that out to her, she admitted that she did have depression and it was causing her physical problems as well.
Two things my friend said struck me. I quickly realized that she was wrong in her thinking and behavior. And I was not afraid to speak the truth to her.
In some way, we all make the same assumptions and mistakes.
First of all, we tend to think that we have worse problems than anyone else and everyone else is having a better life. We are all deceived in that thinking, the grass is greener on the other side.
I read a book titled “Everyone is Normal Till You Get to Know Them.” The title really says it all.
We think other people are better off with their lives, with their relationships, with their marriages, with their careers, with their finances, etc.
The fact and truth is we just don't know them well enough to think otherwise.
Whenever I have a heart-to-heart conversation with other people and get to know them on a deeper level, it always reminds me how deceitful the world is.
Everyone experiences so much pain and problems in life. Many are crying inside, from the deep pain and suffering. The pain and suffering are often beyond what our eyes can see and our mind can understand.
As human beings, we can easily get stuck in our thinking and problems.
Our real problems may be small in the real world of problems, but the more we think about them, the bigger they become.
We keep thinking about the same problems over and over, in the process the problems become bigger and we become more miserable.
Then physical and mental diseases will follow inevitably.
We are what we think. If we think we are miserable, then we are miserable.
If we think we are OK and happy, then we are OK and happy.
The second problem is we have been taught “Don’t air your dirty laundry in public.”
We are not supposed to embarrass ourselves and our families by revealing our problems to anyone.
But the fact is when we have anger, resentment and problems that we bottle up inside ourselves and don't talk with anyone, sooner or later, it will cause mental and physical problems or disease, i.e., disharmony of body, mind and spirit.
Medical science has proven that emotional problems cause physical illness.
When we experience problems in life, we shouldn’t feel so shamed and embarrassed that we don’t talk to others and seek help.
Who has no problems? Everyone has problems.
Everyone is not “normal” in some way and every family is dysfunctional in some way.
I like what someone said, “To heal your heart, you have to open your heart.”
If you have a physically sick heart, you probably have to do an open-heart surgery. If you have an emotionally- or psychologically-sick heart, the same solution applies.
You have to open your heart in order to find healing and relief. You have to open your heart to heal your heart. It’s that simple.
If you have a troubled or broken heart, if you feel pain inside, whether it’s anger, resentment, sadness, loneliness, sorrow, fear, anxiety or depression, you can’t close your heart and expect the pain to go away.
It will do you more harm. The first step in the healing process is to open your heart.
If you are depressed, you need to find ways to express yourself, not further depress and suppress yourself by closing your heart and isolating yourself.
Personally, I don’t believe in using drugs as the first step to heal a broken heart and depression. All drugs have side-effects.
In my next column, I will talk about opening your heart and expressing yourself to heal your heart and depression in a more natural and healthy way.
Meanwhile, please remember, if you don’t express yourself, you depress yourself.
And to heal your heart, you have to open your heart.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Boredom: causes and cures
Woodbury Bulletin - 09/10/2008
“I am bored!”
I think most parents with school-age children have heard these three words many times in the last three months over summer break.
Boredom is not a word in my vocabulary. I rarely feel bored. The only time I might feel bored, or to use a more appropriate phrase, “out of place,” is when I am among people who talk about something I am not interested in at all.
That’s why whenever I hear my 10-year-old son Andy saying: “I am bored,” I don’t have any sympathy for him. For me, there are always enough things to do to not feel bored.
On Labor Day afternoon, I was cutting Andy’s hair to make him a little more groomed for the new school year. I had barely started, it was only a couple of minutes into the process, when I heard him complaining: “I am bored. Can we be done now?”
I was irritated and asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
Certainly, I knew there is nothing wrong with my son. He has no ADHD or any other health or mental problems.
Andy is just a normal, active boy with lots of energy. He likes to run around, bike and play with other kids or toy guns.
But he can also be quiet for a long time when he has an interesting book to read or when he plays with Legos.
I think the widespread boredom phenomenon in our society is the result of our entertainment and consumer culture.
Boredom is usually caused by a lack of variety. When our need for changes of stimulation is not met, when there is too much sameness, we feel bored.
However, that’s not the cause of boredom in our society today. Quite the opposite, the main causes are affluence, over-stimulation, and excessive and constant entertainment.
• Too much affluence and convenience
When our lives are too good too easy, when we have too much too soon, when we “had it all” or “seen it all,” when everything is too convenient to obtain and little effort is required to do anything, we lack motivation and become bored.
• Too much TV and screen time
Research suggests that children under 2 years old should not watch TV. But in reality, many babies spend hours in front of the tube. We have a whole generation growing up in front of TV and with video games.
The visual over-stimulation have caused short attention span and ADHD in many children.
• Too much stimulation and entertainment
We are bored, not because we don't have enough stimulation and entertain, but because we have too much stimulation and entertainment.
Our consumer culture has trained us to always move onto the next target. We are always on the go for the next bigger, better and nicer thing,
The entertainment industry not only targets adults, but also children. We don’t need to go to Las Vegas to gamble and play games.
Kids can have birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese. All they do is playing games.
When we were at Wisconsin Dells, a family friendly vacation destination, I saw kids playing games.
They need less than a minute to play a game on a machine. They constantly go from one machine to another.
I was struck by how hyper kids are when they play games in these entertainment places.
When we rely on external mean, such as popular entertainments such as TV, gambling, games to entertain us, when we are accustomed to the over stimulation, we can easily become bored when we have nothing to do or nothing to entertain us, because we don’t know how to entertain ourselves through our own initiation and creativity.
• Too little purpose and passion
We have too much stuff in our house, but not enough purpose and passion in our life. When life becomes meaningless, when “whatever” becomes our answer to all questions, boredom sets in.
Boredom is the “disease of our time.” It is the “deadness of soul."
Boredom leads to all kinds of addiction, increased aggression, and risk taking.
In his book “Still Bored in a Culture of Entertainment: Rediscovering Passion and Wonder,” author Richard Winter offers several ideas to tackle boredom.
The include: remember the big picture, delight in the simple and ordinary, cultivate wonder, develop strong interests, actively engage instead of passively expecting others to initiate, turn to God who can transform lives and provide a passion for living.
I agree, the ultimate way to avoid boredom is to live a meaningful, purposeful and passionate life, whatever that meaning, purpose and passion is for you.
“I am bored!”
I think most parents with school-age children have heard these three words many times in the last three months over summer break.
Boredom is not a word in my vocabulary. I rarely feel bored. The only time I might feel bored, or to use a more appropriate phrase, “out of place,” is when I am among people who talk about something I am not interested in at all.
That’s why whenever I hear my 10-year-old son Andy saying: “I am bored,” I don’t have any sympathy for him. For me, there are always enough things to do to not feel bored.
On Labor Day afternoon, I was cutting Andy’s hair to make him a little more groomed for the new school year. I had barely started, it was only a couple of minutes into the process, when I heard him complaining: “I am bored. Can we be done now?”
I was irritated and asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
Certainly, I knew there is nothing wrong with my son. He has no ADHD or any other health or mental problems.
Andy is just a normal, active boy with lots of energy. He likes to run around, bike and play with other kids or toy guns.
But he can also be quiet for a long time when he has an interesting book to read or when he plays with Legos.
I think the widespread boredom phenomenon in our society is the result of our entertainment and consumer culture.
Boredom is usually caused by a lack of variety. When our need for changes of stimulation is not met, when there is too much sameness, we feel bored.
However, that’s not the cause of boredom in our society today. Quite the opposite, the main causes are affluence, over-stimulation, and excessive and constant entertainment.
• Too much affluence and convenience
When our lives are too good too easy, when we have too much too soon, when we “had it all” or “seen it all,” when everything is too convenient to obtain and little effort is required to do anything, we lack motivation and become bored.
• Too much TV and screen time
Research suggests that children under 2 years old should not watch TV. But in reality, many babies spend hours in front of the tube. We have a whole generation growing up in front of TV and with video games.
The visual over-stimulation have caused short attention span and ADHD in many children.
• Too much stimulation and entertainment
We are bored, not because we don't have enough stimulation and entertain, but because we have too much stimulation and entertainment.
Our consumer culture has trained us to always move onto the next target. We are always on the go for the next bigger, better and nicer thing,
The entertainment industry not only targets adults, but also children. We don’t need to go to Las Vegas to gamble and play games.
Kids can have birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese. All they do is playing games.
When we were at Wisconsin Dells, a family friendly vacation destination, I saw kids playing games.
They need less than a minute to play a game on a machine. They constantly go from one machine to another.
I was struck by how hyper kids are when they play games in these entertainment places.
When we rely on external mean, such as popular entertainments such as TV, gambling, games to entertain us, when we are accustomed to the over stimulation, we can easily become bored when we have nothing to do or nothing to entertain us, because we don’t know how to entertain ourselves through our own initiation and creativity.
• Too little purpose and passion
We have too much stuff in our house, but not enough purpose and passion in our life. When life becomes meaningless, when “whatever” becomes our answer to all questions, boredom sets in.
Boredom is the “disease of our time.” It is the “deadness of soul."
Boredom leads to all kinds of addiction, increased aggression, and risk taking.
In his book “Still Bored in a Culture of Entertainment: Rediscovering Passion and Wonder,” author Richard Winter offers several ideas to tackle boredom.
The include: remember the big picture, delight in the simple and ordinary, cultivate wonder, develop strong interests, actively engage instead of passively expecting others to initiate, turn to God who can transform lives and provide a passion for living.
I agree, the ultimate way to avoid boredom is to live a meaningful, purposeful and passionate life, whatever that meaning, purpose and passion is for you.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The hurdles to being healthy
Woodbury Bulletin - 09/03/2008
I love summer in Minnesota. One of the reasons for that is I can work in my garden and grow my own vegetables.
This year, I have garlic chives, green onions, lettuces, Swiss chards, cucumbers, peppers, beans, tomatoes and squashes.
For almost three months in summer, I can eat fresh organic vegetables from my garden. I have been eating a green salad every day for lunch for the last two months.
It feels good to eat organic home-grown foods. Fresh organic food provides the best nutrition for the body. Consuming home-grown food is also good for the pocket and for the environment.
As summer comes to an end, I am again reminded of the challenges and difficulties to eating and staying healthy that we face here in the United States, especially in Minnesota.
• Short growing season and cold weather
When the growing season is over in Minnesota, there will be no more fresh home- grown food. We have to eat food that is grown in another region or country and is transported hundreds or thousands of miles to us.
Their quality and their nutritional value are certainly not as good as those grown in my own backyard.
During winter time, not only do we eat less fresh food and more junk food, we are also less active. Most times the cold weather keeps us indoors. It’s so easy to add a few extra pounds in winter.
• Unhealthy diets and poor eating habits
When I compare eastern and western diets, and the times when I grew up with the times now when my kids are growing up, I see more challenges.
Growing up in China in the 1960s and 70s, my family was poor, like most people at that time. Since there were no refrigerators, my mother had to get up around 5 a.m. every day to buy groceries at the farmer’s market.
There were times she even got up in the middle of the night to wait in long line in order to buy food in scarcity. Meat, eggs, oils, sugar, rice, etc. were rationed.
Both of my parents worked full time. But they still cooked three meals a day. We ate mostly vegetables.
We never went out to eat. We didn’t eat canned food. Buying fresh vegetables and cooking from scratch was our way of every day living.
In our traditional Chinese diet, we didn’t have desserts like in the western diet.
We didn’t eat cake or ice cream. We had fruit as dessert.
Only during special holidays like the Chinese New Year, I got to eat candies or other treats.
Thanks to my healthy traditional Chinese diet, I never developed any sweet tooth. To this day, I have no desire for candies, chocolate, ice cream, cake, or other sweets. This has really benefited my teeth and overall health.
I have no caveats. I remember a dentist once commented: “I wish everyone had such good teeth as you do.”
But things are different now.
Even though I don’t buy and eat much junk food, I still eat more than I used to.
When I go to a party, when someone in the office brings a treat, there are always sweets. It’s hard not to try some.
It’s worse for my kids.
When my son started school, the first year he brought lunch from home. Starting with first grade, he refused to bring lunch from home and wanted to eat school lunch like most of other kids.
One day not long after he started school lunch, my son asked me after dinner: “Mom, what’s for dessert?” I realized he was westernized in his diet. I said, “We have fruit. You can eat as much as you want.” But I knew that was not what he meant with dessert.
Our school lunch is not very healthy for our kids. It is basically fast and convenient food. I don’t blame this all on school though. It’s a problem in our society.
The schools offer healthy choices. The problem is kids prefer junk food. My kids would much rather eat pizza than home cooked healthy meals.
I don’t usually buy candies, but we always have more candies than I like.
My kids grow up with candies and love them. They just got a bag of candies from Woodbury Days. Soon the Halloween candies will arrive, then holiday chocolates, Valentine’s candies, and Easter chocolates.
It’s hard not to develop some sweet teeth in this environment. No wonder my kids already have several cavities at such young age.
• Lack of personal responsibility and self-control
In addition to dealing with these challenges and difficulties we face in our society, we also have to deal with personal issues.
Sadly, I found many people lack personal responsibility and self-control.
My mother has diabetes, she is very careful with eating sweets. She doesn’t eat much except a little fruit. But I see plenty of people with diabetes still eat candies and cakes, drink sodas more than they should.
With my two kids, both born in the U.S., sometimes I feel like fighting a hard and losing battle. They grow up in this environment. They are not going to eat as healthy as I like them to.
I only hope I can be a good role model for them in terms of eating and living healthy, and hope they will one day make their own healthy choices instead of me telling and forcing them to eat vegetables every day.
I love summer in Minnesota. One of the reasons for that is I can work in my garden and grow my own vegetables.
This year, I have garlic chives, green onions, lettuces, Swiss chards, cucumbers, peppers, beans, tomatoes and squashes.
For almost three months in summer, I can eat fresh organic vegetables from my garden. I have been eating a green salad every day for lunch for the last two months.
It feels good to eat organic home-grown foods. Fresh organic food provides the best nutrition for the body. Consuming home-grown food is also good for the pocket and for the environment.
As summer comes to an end, I am again reminded of the challenges and difficulties to eating and staying healthy that we face here in the United States, especially in Minnesota.
• Short growing season and cold weather
When the growing season is over in Minnesota, there will be no more fresh home- grown food. We have to eat food that is grown in another region or country and is transported hundreds or thousands of miles to us.
Their quality and their nutritional value are certainly not as good as those grown in my own backyard.
During winter time, not only do we eat less fresh food and more junk food, we are also less active. Most times the cold weather keeps us indoors. It’s so easy to add a few extra pounds in winter.
• Unhealthy diets and poor eating habits
When I compare eastern and western diets, and the times when I grew up with the times now when my kids are growing up, I see more challenges.
Growing up in China in the 1960s and 70s, my family was poor, like most people at that time. Since there were no refrigerators, my mother had to get up around 5 a.m. every day to buy groceries at the farmer’s market.
There were times she even got up in the middle of the night to wait in long line in order to buy food in scarcity. Meat, eggs, oils, sugar, rice, etc. were rationed.
Both of my parents worked full time. But they still cooked three meals a day. We ate mostly vegetables.
We never went out to eat. We didn’t eat canned food. Buying fresh vegetables and cooking from scratch was our way of every day living.
In our traditional Chinese diet, we didn’t have desserts like in the western diet.
We didn’t eat cake or ice cream. We had fruit as dessert.
Only during special holidays like the Chinese New Year, I got to eat candies or other treats.
Thanks to my healthy traditional Chinese diet, I never developed any sweet tooth. To this day, I have no desire for candies, chocolate, ice cream, cake, or other sweets. This has really benefited my teeth and overall health.
I have no caveats. I remember a dentist once commented: “I wish everyone had such good teeth as you do.”
But things are different now.
Even though I don’t buy and eat much junk food, I still eat more than I used to.
When I go to a party, when someone in the office brings a treat, there are always sweets. It’s hard not to try some.
It’s worse for my kids.
When my son started school, the first year he brought lunch from home. Starting with first grade, he refused to bring lunch from home and wanted to eat school lunch like most of other kids.
One day not long after he started school lunch, my son asked me after dinner: “Mom, what’s for dessert?” I realized he was westernized in his diet. I said, “We have fruit. You can eat as much as you want.” But I knew that was not what he meant with dessert.
Our school lunch is not very healthy for our kids. It is basically fast and convenient food. I don’t blame this all on school though. It’s a problem in our society.
The schools offer healthy choices. The problem is kids prefer junk food. My kids would much rather eat pizza than home cooked healthy meals.
I don’t usually buy candies, but we always have more candies than I like.
My kids grow up with candies and love them. They just got a bag of candies from Woodbury Days. Soon the Halloween candies will arrive, then holiday chocolates, Valentine’s candies, and Easter chocolates.
It’s hard not to develop some sweet teeth in this environment. No wonder my kids already have several cavities at such young age.
• Lack of personal responsibility and self-control
In addition to dealing with these challenges and difficulties we face in our society, we also have to deal with personal issues.
Sadly, I found many people lack personal responsibility and self-control.
My mother has diabetes, she is very careful with eating sweets. She doesn’t eat much except a little fruit. But I see plenty of people with diabetes still eat candies and cakes, drink sodas more than they should.
With my two kids, both born in the U.S., sometimes I feel like fighting a hard and losing battle. They grow up in this environment. They are not going to eat as healthy as I like them to.
I only hope I can be a good role model for them in terms of eating and living healthy, and hope they will one day make their own healthy choices instead of me telling and forcing them to eat vegetables every day.
Aiming for greatness
Woodbury Bulletin - 08/27/2008
When it comes to raising children, what is your goal?
Like many parents, I don’t have a clearly defined goal in my mind.
Also like most parents, I want the best for my children. I want them to get a good education, have a good job and make a nice living. I want them to be successful and happy in life.
What is success?
In our society, success is often defined as having wealth, power, fame and beauty. Be the first, the best, and have the most.
There is nothing wrong with this goal. But is this enough? Is that all I want my children to be and to have?
I know the answer is “No.” I know there is more to life than being successful and having wealth, power, fame and beauty.
Though I wasn’t very clear what more I wanted for my kids, in 2002, when they were four and two years old, I started taking them to Sunday school after being invited by a church at Woodbury Days.
At least I understood the importance of living a balanced life of mind, body and spirit, and a balanced life of outward success and inward fulfillment.
Recently, I read “Raising Kids for True Greatness” after a friend invited me to a group discussion based on that book by Tim Kimmel. The book helps redefine success in parenting. It also helps clarify what my parenting goal should be.
True greatness, Kimmel writes, is “a passionate love of God that shows itself in an unquenchable love and concern for people. It is based on grace. Its attitudes are humility and gratefulness. Its actions are generosity and a servant attitude."
True greatness is exemplified by love and service for others as opposed to accomplishments for oneself. Successfulness should not be the primary goals we set for our children, we should aim for greatness.
Every child has the potential to make an extraordinary difference in life.
It is the parent’s job to aim for greatness and significance and raise our children who will use their talents, their skills and their lives to make a real difference in the world.
I know in many families, we parents put too much emphasis on our kids’ academic achievements. We focus on their school report cards, their grades, their scores, or their extra curricular activities while neglecting the aspect of building characters.
We like to compare, compete and control.
We feel good when our kids are doing well. We feel like failures when our kids don’t meet our expectations.
When we prepare our kids for success as defined in this world, the focus is on what is in it for me, how can I be the first and the best, and have the most.
This helps create a self-centered attitude in our kids.
People are truly great, attractive and valuable, not because of outward appearance and possessions, but because of inward qualities.
Success as the world sees it is an illusion. It is short-living and does not bring true happiness.
Successful people come and go. But the truly great people touch lives and their impact and legacy last forever.
We all know Mother Teresa. She was not beautiful, wealthy and powerful, and didn’t achieve fame by worldly standards.
Yet she was one of the greatest people who have lived on the earth. The legacy she left is way beyond what success can bring. She touched lives and made a difference in the world.
Mother Teresa had the qualities that identify a truly great life: humility, gratefulness, generosity, compassion and a servant attitude.
After I read the book, I have a more clearly-defined goal in raising kids.
It should not just be helping my kids achieve success, but, more importantly, aiming them for greatness.
I need to teach them humility, gratefulness, generosity, compassion and a servant attitude. In addition to providing them with a secure love, I should also help them find their significant purpose in life.
“Raising Kids for True Greatness” not only gives me a better understand of a higher goal in raising kids, it also challenges me to better myself for a simple reason.
Before I can teach my kids the qualities of humility, gratefulness, generosity, compassion and a servant attitude, I have to learn myself first in order to be a role model for them.
So aiming for greatness is not just a goal for my kids, it is a goal for myself as well.
When it comes to raising children, what is your goal?
Like many parents, I don’t have a clearly defined goal in my mind.
Also like most parents, I want the best for my children. I want them to get a good education, have a good job and make a nice living. I want them to be successful and happy in life.
What is success?
In our society, success is often defined as having wealth, power, fame and beauty. Be the first, the best, and have the most.
There is nothing wrong with this goal. But is this enough? Is that all I want my children to be and to have?
I know the answer is “No.” I know there is more to life than being successful and having wealth, power, fame and beauty.
Though I wasn’t very clear what more I wanted for my kids, in 2002, when they were four and two years old, I started taking them to Sunday school after being invited by a church at Woodbury Days.
At least I understood the importance of living a balanced life of mind, body and spirit, and a balanced life of outward success and inward fulfillment.
Recently, I read “Raising Kids for True Greatness” after a friend invited me to a group discussion based on that book by Tim Kimmel. The book helps redefine success in parenting. It also helps clarify what my parenting goal should be.
True greatness, Kimmel writes, is “a passionate love of God that shows itself in an unquenchable love and concern for people. It is based on grace. Its attitudes are humility and gratefulness. Its actions are generosity and a servant attitude."
True greatness is exemplified by love and service for others as opposed to accomplishments for oneself. Successfulness should not be the primary goals we set for our children, we should aim for greatness.
Every child has the potential to make an extraordinary difference in life.
It is the parent’s job to aim for greatness and significance and raise our children who will use their talents, their skills and their lives to make a real difference in the world.
I know in many families, we parents put too much emphasis on our kids’ academic achievements. We focus on their school report cards, their grades, their scores, or their extra curricular activities while neglecting the aspect of building characters.
We like to compare, compete and control.
We feel good when our kids are doing well. We feel like failures when our kids don’t meet our expectations.
When we prepare our kids for success as defined in this world, the focus is on what is in it for me, how can I be the first and the best, and have the most.
This helps create a self-centered attitude in our kids.
People are truly great, attractive and valuable, not because of outward appearance and possessions, but because of inward qualities.
Success as the world sees it is an illusion. It is short-living and does not bring true happiness.
Successful people come and go. But the truly great people touch lives and their impact and legacy last forever.
We all know Mother Teresa. She was not beautiful, wealthy and powerful, and didn’t achieve fame by worldly standards.
Yet she was one of the greatest people who have lived on the earth. The legacy she left is way beyond what success can bring. She touched lives and made a difference in the world.
Mother Teresa had the qualities that identify a truly great life: humility, gratefulness, generosity, compassion and a servant attitude.
After I read the book, I have a more clearly-defined goal in raising kids.
It should not just be helping my kids achieve success, but, more importantly, aiming them for greatness.
I need to teach them humility, gratefulness, generosity, compassion and a servant attitude. In addition to providing them with a secure love, I should also help them find their significant purpose in life.
“Raising Kids for True Greatness” not only gives me a better understand of a higher goal in raising kids, it also challenges me to better myself for a simple reason.
Before I can teach my kids the qualities of humility, gratefulness, generosity, compassion and a servant attitude, I have to learn myself first in order to be a role model for them.
So aiming for greatness is not just a goal for my kids, it is a goal for myself as well.
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