A family holiday tradition

The holiday season has arrived sooner than I expected. Christmas is just around the corner.

Where ever I look, the ads, the signs and the displays, everything reminds me, it’s time to buy and buy more.

I like holidays and special days, whether they are Christmas or New Year, Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day, but I don’t like the over commercialization of these special days. I am not a person who likes to go shopping. Besides I think most of us already have more than we need. My kids get enough toys and stuff that I don’t feel like to buy more for them. Do I need to buy more just because everyone else is doing so?

My love language is definitely not gifts, but words.

My son was born in 1998. For his first Christmas eight years ago, I wrote the following to him:

Dear Andy:

You very first Christmas is just around the corner. In the holiday spirit of sharing and giving, gifts are shared and given. But instead giving you toys and clothes which you will outgrow in a blink of eyes and certainly will not remember anything at all, Mom is writing you this letter as your first holiday gift.

Mom hopes this letter as well as the ones to follow will become your treasured possession in the years to come. I promise you that every year until you are 18 years old I’ll write at least one letter documenting important events that happen to you during that year.

Another promise I want to make here is to contribute $500.00 or whatever the maximum amount allowed every year from your birth until you are 18 years old to your College Savings Account. The money will be used for your education in the future. It’s a long term investment.

Mom hopes you will become a well educated person who values education and life long learning.

When my daughter Amy came to the world one year later, I promised her the same things.

Two years ago, I did a Christmas treasure hunt for my kids. I hid little presents in different rooms for them to find. They loved it so much, they asked me to do it again last year, which I did.

For each of my two kids, I wrote 10 reasons why I love them on 10 cards in 10 different colors. On the other side of the cards I wrote the clue to find the next treasure. I used 10 different kinds of treats to go along with the cards. The number of treats corresponded to the number of reasons on the card.

So the card with reason number 1 was accompanied by 1 treat, the card with reason number 2 was accompanied by 2 treats, etc. The treats were edible things, like candies, chocolate and cookies, or money or books.

I spent many hours cutting the papers, writing two sets of cards with different love notes and clues so both kids could do the treasure hunt at the same time, but not together, finding treats, figuring out where to hide the treasures according to the clues so each of them could find only the treasures intended for them individually. I didn’t sleep much the night before Christmas Eve.

Andy and Amy had so much fun. And I took a lot of pictures.

Two months ago, Andy and Amy asked me, “Mommy, can we do the Christmas treasure hunt again this year?” I said “Sure.”

I haven’t figured out what to do yet. Just this year, I have done treasure hunt for them on birthday, on Easter and on Halloween. I have run out of ideas. I am afraid I wouldn’t be as creative as last Christmas.

Doing a treasure hunt is not as easy as buying a gift, wrapping it and putting it under the tree. But I would rather spend more time and efforts than spending more money. I know my kids probably will not remember what presents they get, but I am sure they will remember the fun they had on their treasure hunting.

I will try my best to keep the promises I made in my first letter to them and make the treasure hunt our holiday tradition.

Doing things with my children instead of buying excessive or expensive gifts for them is more important and meaningful to me. Letters and wonderful memories are much more precious to me than anything else.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 12/13/2006]

Being thankful

One year ago, on Nov. 8, 2006, my first column appeared in this newspaper. I consider that an important milestone in my life.

It has been a wonderful year for me. When I think about and reflect on this past year, my heart is filled with gratitude and thanksgiving.

It has been said, and I really believe it, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” When I am ready to ask, believe and receive, opportunities will come my way.

I am thankful that God gives me the gift and passion to write. Each one of us is born with a certain gift. Some people are good performers, some are good athletes, some are good leaders, and some are good writers. It is our personal responsibility to discover what our God given gift is and what our passion is and then to use it for good.

I am thankful that even though English is not my native language, I have mastered it well enough to write and express myself and, more importantly, I have mustered up enough confidence to share my writing with people I don’t even know.

I know there are people out there who like to write or do something, but are afraid to do it and show it, because they think they are not good enough.

The truth is we can only be good enough and get better if we just do it and practice more every day. Please don’t let self-doubt and fear get in the way of doing what you love to do.

Sometimes I do wonder about whether people read my columns and what they think about them. It feels like I am sending out letters, but have no idea whether they are received and read or lost somewhere and end up in the trash.

Three weeks ago, while I was helping at the annual library book sale, two women recognized me through my name tag and asked me if I was a columnist for the Woodbury Bulletin. One of them said she read my columns every week.

I wished I had asked her some questions and get some face to face feedback.

I regretted that I missed the opportunity. But just that one casual question and the short comment meant a great deal to me. Thank you for letting me know that you do read my columns.

I am also thankful to all the readers of this newspaper, especially those who enjoy reading my columns so much or are so passionate about a topic I write that they take the time to write to me and give me feedback. Your comments and encouragement are very much appreciated.

I read every e-mail I receive and respond to every single message.

I am especially thankful to the individuals who write to me more than once. I can’t tell you how much your appreciation and encouragement have meant to me.

Recently, I received an e-mail from a reader who told me that she enjoyed reading my column topics regarding Chinese cultures.

She thanked me especially for writing the column about Weili Shen and her Acupuncture Woodbury clinic. She had been going to Shen for a few weeks for severe menopause symptoms and the treatment with acupuncture was working wonderfully.

“I wouldn’t have known about her except through your column. I’m recommending her to everyone I know. Thank you so much,” she wrote.

It is very gratifying for me to know that I have helped someone through my writing.

Writing this column in the past year has really been very energizing and rewarding for me. I am thankful in knowing that I can make a difference in someone's life and be an inspiration to someone.

I am very thankful for the Woodbury Bulletin’s managing editor, Bob Eighmy, for his trust in me and giving me the opportunity to write as a columnist for the newspaper. When I approached Bob over a year ago with a brief introduction about myself and asked him if I could write for Woodbury Bulletin on a regular basis, I only had two articles published in the newspaper at that time. He said yes without questioning my background and experience as a writer. I am thankful that he believed in me. Without his trust, I wouldn’t be here today.

I am looking forward to my second year writing for Woodbury Bulletin. I will keep writing what’s on my mind and from my heart to inform you and to inspire you.

May you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and may your heart also be filled with gratitude.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 11/21/2007]

Amy's winning poems

My daughter Amy caught the poetry bug when she just turned 9 in December 2008. She wrote her first poem as a Christmas present for me. Since then she has written 400 poems.

Amy's poem collection titled "Love, Laugh, Life : 100 Seleted Poems" won the first place in her age group at the 2009 Minnesota State Fair.

Amy’s dream is to be a writer and a poet.

Here are a few seleted poems by Amy.

Brother
I like my brother Andy
Because he is very handy
And he gives me candy
That’s why he’s so dandy.

Mother
You are the best Mother
To me and my brother
Above any other
So I would never trade you for
another.

Mother’s Day
I hope this is the best
Mother’s Day you’ve ever had.
And I hope you still love me
When I make you mad.
I know I sometimes can be bad,
But today I want to make you glad.

Dad
My Dad is very special to me
He loves me very much you see
He helps me with a lot of things
From business trip toys he bring
He always wants me to play
Look there he is on Christmas Day
Hooray!

Grandma
I know my grandma adores me
And my grandpa too
As you can see
They always take me to the zoo.

My baby doll
My baby doll is nice to hold
The one I have is getting old.
One eye came out and now instead
She has a dress made out of thread.
I take her everywhere I go
And tell her all the things I know.
I like the way she feels at night,
All snuggled up against me tight.

Walk
I went on a walk
All I did was talk.
On the walk I rode my bike
It’s one of the things I like.
Only my mom and I went on the walk
And all we did was talk talk talk.
After the walk we went to dine
It was my first walk in 2009.

Fire drill
At school we have a fire drill
So we go out on a little hill.
When we go out we get a chill
Even if we don't stay still.

Art
Whenever I do art
I do it from my heart
Since I am so smart
I got a head start.

Wish
The sky is getting gray
I wish it was a different day
My mom made me lay
I pray I get to play

Winning at Minnesota State Fair

August 27, 2009 was a very exciting day for me. It seems I have never felt so excited like that in my life, at least not in a long time. I found out that my 9-year-old daughter Amy won big at the 2009 Minnesota State Fair competition.

This was the very first time she participated in the competition. I did expect Amy to win something, especially for her poems. To my surprise, she not only won the 1st place for her poem collection, but she also won the 1st place for her colored pencil drawing (Fruit), the 3rd place for her acrylic painting (Lions) and the 4th place for her water color painting (Parrot).

I have to say, I am most proud of her 1st place for the poem collection. She is really good at writing rhyming poems and wrote 400 poems since last December. I hope we can get her poems published some day.

My daughter made this one of the proudest mements and one of the best days in my life. It was a great day to celebrate and remember.

Local man introduces North America to China

Scientist, author, and artist. Can one person be all three at the same time? I was happy to discover such a person right here in Woodbury.

Dr. Haiyan Zhang, an engineer at 3M and a well known vocal performer in Twin Cities Chinese community, is also the author of a new book “Thousands of Miles Across North America,” published in Chinese.

I first met Dr. Zhang and his wife during their performance at a 3M Chinese New Year party. They are both great singers. I got to know him more through my contact with his wife, Weili Shen, when I wrote about her acupuncture clinic, Acupuncture Woodbury.

During my conversations with them, I discovered that Dr. Zhang had many interesting stories and experiences. I was most fascinated by the book he wrote.

“The book consists of 20 stories and about 50 photos and sketches I had made. The stories are about my family’s travels across the U.S., Canada and Mexico. Most of the stories took place when I was in graduate school, taking my family on road trips in our 1985 Plymouth Horizon,” Zhang said. “The book is not a travel guide. It’s about family, life lessons and the beauty of this world.”

Zhang was born in Wuhan, China. He graduated from high school during the Cultural Revolution. Like almost all the high school graduates at that time, he went to work in the countryside as a farmer. For two years he did nothing but plant rice and trees. He then went to work at an iron and steel company for one year.

In 1977, when China restored its national unified college entrance exams, Zhang tested into college. He majored in physical chemistry and specialized in rare metal metallurgy. For his Masters Degree, he studied electrochemistry.

Zhang came to the U.S. in 1990 for his Ph. D. In 1995, he moved to the Twin Cities and has been working at 3M since.

“Although my entire career is about science and technology, I have always had a strong interest in literature and art.” Dr. Zhang said.

Even when Zhang was a child he liked Chinese and Western literature. He managed to read many books by authors such as Victor Hugo, Charles Dickens, Leo Tolstoy, Nathaniel Hawthorne and Honoré de Balzac. It took courage to do so because those books were forbidden in China at that time.

He became interested in drawing in his youth and later developed an interest in photography. His photos of nature have been featured in the 3M Company calendar twice.

“I wanted to write something to capture what I have seen and felt in my life.” Dr. Zhang told me, “However, with my busy work schedule, engineering projects, and time spent with family, I couldn’t find the time to sit down to write a book. Also, I did not know the right way to express what I wanted to say.”

Things started to change after his son went to college. At the same time, his wife was busy getting her clinic started.

“I suddenly found a lot more time. I wrote a short journal and matched it with photos and drawings. It was then that I realized how I would write my book,” he said.

Using spare time on evenings and weekends, Zhang finished his book in less than two years. A publishing company in China decided to publish it.

As for writing another book, Dr. Zhang thinks it is a possibility.

“I have traveled to over 30 states in the U.S. and I only wrote about half of them. I might write about my experiences in the rest of the states in my next book if people enjoyed reading my first one,” Zhang said.

I know so far he has received very positive comments. His book is available in various stores in China, and even a Chinese bookstore in St. Paul. I also know he doesn’t write to make money, only to fulfill his interests. In fact, the price barely covers the cost of printing and shipping.

I am looking forward to hearing about Dr. Zhang’s second book.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 01/09/2008]

Chinese medicine - Acupuncture

Acupuncture is one of the main forms of treatment in traditional Chinese medicine. Today, in most western cultures it is considered a "new alternative" medicine.

In reality, it has been practiced in China for more than 2,000 years (some think it has been around for 4,000 years) and has proven to be effective over thousands of years.

Acupuncture involves the use of thin, painless needles that are inserted in the body at very specific points to influence physiological functioning of the body.

It is based on the principal that the world is full of energy or life force called “Chi” or “Qi.”

Chi is the essential energies of life, including its spiritual, emotional, and physical aspects. Chi flows through everything in life, including the human body.

A person's health is influenced by the flow of Chi in the body. When the opposing forces of yin and yang are in harmongy, Chi flows freely within the body and a person is healthy. If the flow of Chi is insufficient, unbalanced or interrupted, illness may occur. The purpose of acupuncture is to facilitate the even circulation of Chi.

Whether or not the traditional explanation of Acupuncture is relevant today, one thing is indisputable: acupuncture works.

I don’t have any personal experience with acupuncture, but I had a family member who did. For many years, my late grandmother had trigeminal neuralgia, which caused her excruciating pain. Then my mother took her to a traditional Chinese medicine hospital.

After her acupuncture treatment, her pain was gone forever. So, I believe the power and benefits of acupuncture as an alternative medicine.

I am glad a new acupuncture clinic, Acupuncture Woodbury, opened recently in this community by Ms. Weili Shen, a licensed acupuncturist.

Shen studied Western and Chinese Medicine in the Health School of Tongji Medical University, Wuhan, China. She has worked in a Chinese hospital for over ten years.

She came to the United States in 1991 and became an American citizen in 2001. She moved to Minnesota from Colorado in 1995, when her husband was hired by 3M. She further studied acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine for three years and obtained a Master’s degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine.

Now, she holds Diplomat in Acupuncture by National Certification Commission for Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine, USA and License for acupuncture by the Minnesota Board of Medical Practice.

“Acupuncture Woodbury is one of the premier Twin Cities acupunctural clinics, a center of excellence in acupuncture and Chinese traditional medicine,” Shen said. “The clinic offers a wide variety of acupunctural health care services for all ages, for ailments ranging from back pain to nicotine addiction.”

Shen had treated many patients before she opened her own clinic. The patients with various problems like facial paralysis, migraines, depression, joint pains, high blood pressure and diabetes have been treated with satisfied results.

“The beauty of the treatment lies in its inherent ability to allow the body to heal itself. Since acupuncture is a natural way of promoting one’s body to self-adjust, it does not carry the side effects and risks of many modern remedies,” Shen said.

Acupuncture has been used to treat many medical problems, including:

• Musculo-Skeletal disorders: Arthritis, automobile injuries, sports injuries, tennis elbow, carpal tunnel syndrome, back pain, bursitis, shoulder pain, sprains, still neck and tendonitis

• Psychiatric disorders: Anxiety, depression, insomnia, stress, poor memory, schizophrenia, psychoneurosis, hysteria and eating disorders

• Gastrointestinal disorders: Hiccups, inflammation of the stomach, large intestine, small intestine, gall bladder and pancreas, dysentery and constipation

• Endocrine disorders: Diabetes, hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidism, obesity and adrenal problems

• Immune disorders: Chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome

• Neurological disorders: Migraines, trigeminal neuralgia, facial paralysis, peripheral neuropathy, tinnitus, sciatica, epilepsy, erythromelalgia, neuralgia, cerebral palsy, Bell’s palsy and multiple sclerosis

• Connective tissue disorders: Lupus erythematosus, scleroderma and rheumatoid arthritis

• Gynecological conditions: Dysmenorrhea, irregular menstruation, PMS, breast problems, endometriosis, ovarian/cervical/vaginal problems, uterine prolapse, postpartum disorders, menopause and infertility

• Dermatological conditions: Acne, eczema, herpes and psoriasis

• Addictions: Sugar, nicotine, cigarette, coffee, recreational drugs and medication alcohol

• Supportive therapy: Cancer support treatment and post-surgical recovery

At Acupuncture Woodbury, other Chinese Medicine treatments may also be used if needed.

The examples are Tuina, a Chinese therapeutic massage; Cupping, suctioning using a medicinal jar to enhance energy flow; Electric Stimulation, stimulating vital points on the body using a specially-made instrument; Auricular Therapy, stimulating points on the ear that have unique relationships with the body to treat diseases; and Moxiustion, burning moxa wool on vita points on the body to warm energy pathway.

Shen offers six tracks of treatments at Acupuncture Woodbury. They are anti-aging, pain alleviation, stress balancing, weight regulation, skin rejuvenation and stroke and surgery rehabilitation.

The clinic is located at 7582 Currell Boulevard, Suite 215, Woodbury, across the street from Woodbury Post Office.

For more information or to schedule an appointment, visit www.acupuncturewoodbury.com or call (651) 789-0402.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 09/12/2007]

More healthy lunch, less messy lunchroom

Woodbury Bulletin - 09/16/2009

As another school year has started, many parents start thinking about school lunch and packing lunches for their kids.

Are my kids eating healthy food at school? Is it better to have school lunch or bring lunch from home? Should I let them eat doubles or triples or should I set a limit?

An article that appeared in the Aug. 12 issue of the Woodbury Bulletin titled “More healthful school lunches moving ahead” also made me think about those questions.

I was glad to know that more healthy choices, more fresh and fewer processed food will be offered at our new middle schools. I hope the Farmer’s Market lunch menioned in the article will be expanded to both elementary and high schools next year.

Giving students choices of healthy and unhealthy food, I think the majority of kids will choose unhealthy food. I know my kids will, even though we eat mostly healthy food and not processed food at home.

So the ideal is not just more healthy food choices, but also fewer choices or no choices of unhealthy food in schools. This is difficult if not impossible to achieve, because Our standard American diet is a SAD, unhealthy one.

In my opinion, it is not only our school’s responsibility to provide our kids with healthy food, it’s also, or more importantly so, the responsibility of each family and the society as a whole to help our kids build healthy eating habits.

I think parents should pay attention to their kids’ lunch accounts and make their kids responsible for their spending. Instead of complaining to the schools that their kids spend too much money on school lunch, they can limit their kids’ spending to one lunch, and not allow doubles or triples.

Once I found out that my daughter spent extra money on dessert, I told her no more doubles or extras. Whenever she questions me why she can’t have seconds or extras like some of her friends, I tell her, she can always get more vegetables or fruit for free if she needs more food. I know well that she can’t usually finish everything the first round.

This is a problem that concerns me - the messy and wasteful behavior in the school lunch rooms.

On a few occasions I visited my kids during lunch, I was not pleased to see what’s going on. Some kids played with food, some kids, including my daughter, ate only a few bites of food and had a few sips of milk or juice, then threw more food away than they consumed.

Since I grew up with the teaching of eating everything on your plate and not wasting food, I don’t tolerate my kids’ wasteful behavior. I make sure that they eat everything they have on their plates. But I can’t control what they do at school.

The lunchroom scene was pretty heartening for me. What a waste and what a mess!

I hate to see food go to waste and money go down the drainage. I think most parents will agree. But some of them might just not know what is going on in the school lunch room.

There are also parents who don't care how much their kids spend and how much is wasted. These kids can purchase whatever they want, as much as they want.

The fact is in our society kids are very spoiled. Many live a life of prosperity and abundance; they don’t know hunger and they don’t know how to value what they have.

As a parent, I encourage our kids to bring lunch from home. But that remains a real challenge.

When my son first started school, he brought lunch from home every day for the whole kindergarten year. Then when he started the 1st grade, he no longer wanted to bring lunch from home. He said most kids eat school lunch. He wanted school lunch too.

If more kids bring lunch from home, that might encourage other kids to do the same.

From the school side, more education and closer monitoring would be helpful.

We need to remind our kids to bring or purchase in the cafeteria only what they will eat, no more and no waste. When bringing lunch from home, use unpackaged food (an apple) rather than packaged food (a cup of applesauce) if possible, and pack lunch in re-usable containers, rather than disposable items.

As we focus on providing more healthy lunch, let’s not forget to also teach our kids to be resourceful with our food and mindful with our environment, and to keep the lunchroom from becoming a waste site.


Qin Tang can be contacted at quin_tang@yahoo.com

Remembering my favorite teacher

06/05/2009

When my son Andy and daughter Amy came home on the last day of school, I was more curious than usual to find out how the last day went.

“Too bad school is over. Fifth grade is my best year ever. I had so much fun,” Andy commented.

“How did you and all students say goodbye to the teachers?” I asked.

“The teachers lined up and watched us get on the school bus and leave.”

“Did anyone cry?”

“Everyone in my class gave our teacher a hug. Some teachers almost cried.”

Thankful for the wonderful teachers my kids had in school, I couldn’t help but thinking about my own teachers, especially my favorite teacher in high school almost 30 years ago.

The path of my life, starting from my hometown Suzhou to Beijing, the Capitol of China, to the university of Heidelberg in Germany, and then to the Untied States, is nothing but a miracle in my mind, thanks largely to my high school English Teacher Mr. XuangGuang Sheng.

In high school, I was very interested in learning foreign languages. My dream was to pass the national entrance exam and to go to one of the best universities in the country for studying English.

However, the high school I went to in my neighborhood was not the best in town. Passing the national entrance exam in China requires enormous dedication, efforts and preparation from students, parents and teachers. Staying in my own high school would mean I had no chance to fulfill my dream.

It so happened that one day I heard from a friend mentioning a very unique English Teacher at a different high school. His students had excellent exam results.

One year before my entrance exam to college, my mother, who was a math teacher in my own high school, talked the school administration into approving my transfer.

After an interview with Mr. Sheng, he also agreed to accept me in his class. Apparently I had impressed him as a good and sincere student.

Mr. Sheng was indeed very special and unique in many different ways.

He went to school very early, an hour or two before the regular class started, and he didn’t leave the classroom until every student was gone, usually 8 or 9 o’clock in the evening.

Since many students didn’t have quiet space for study at home, they often went to school to study early in the morning or after dinner in the evening. Mr. Sheng was always there ready to help everyone.

Unlike other teachers, he had his desk in the classroom where he spent more time with the students than at his other desk in the teachers’ office.

Mr. Sheng had home visit at least once every semester for every student (we had about 50 students in one class). He kept parents informed about their child at school. And he got to know the families through home visits.

Mr. Sheng was not only a unique teacher, but also a somewhat strange and mysterious person in my young eyes.

He was not married and had no children. That was very unusual in China at that time. He ran several miles early in the morning from his home to the school while holding his bicycle in hand. He wore just a shirt even in cold winter.

During his home visits with students, he didn’t even drink a cup of tea that was usually offered to the guests in China. Yet when students visited him at his home, he offered them treats.

When Mr. Sheng was not at the school, he often tutored students at home who were referred to him by friends and friends of friends. He didn’t have the heart to refuse any young person who was eager to learn. His room was full of books, mostly old books, and his necessary furniture was all very old and worn out.

He spent his own meager salary on English books, note books, pencils or other supplies and gave them to good students weekly as incentive for their hard work as shown on the weekly test results, while he never accepted any gifts from any students or parents for any reason. He spent more on his students than on himself.

His devotion to his students and his selfless acts towards others were incredible, unreal and hard for me to understand at that time. His world seemed like a mystery to me.

Thanks to Mr. Sheng’s teaching and devotion during that one year, and my own hard work, I was able to pass the entrance exam.

The exam was a big annual event in China, because it was the turning point in many young people’s lives. My score was high so I was accepted by the Beijing Foreign Studies University, the best known university in China for its foreign language programs.

Most of the graduates from this university hold positions as diplomats, foreign correspondents, and language instructors at the universities or dealing with foreign affairs in other government organizations. I have an older cousin who graduated from the same university. He worked for the UN in New York and Geneva, Switzerland for many years. It was certainly a dream come true for me.

I was very grateful for Mr. Sheng, yet he never took any credit for anything his students achieved. He always said humbly, “It is due to your own hard work and talent.”

At the age of 17, I left Suzhou for Beijing in 1981. With the long twenty hour plus train ride to Beijing, a new chapter of my life began.

I studied German at the Beijing Foreign Studies University. Only about 40 students were accepted during that time every year. English was my first choice, but due to high demand, there was not enough space.

After graduation I got a position at Chinese Central Television to help start a German Language program. A German program was to be added to the existing programs. At that time three languages, English, Japanese and French, were offered on the TV and were very popular. China was just starting to open its door to the western countries, and after so many years of isolation, people were eager to know more about other countries.

One year later I went to Heidelberg, Germany to further my studies on a scholarship from the German Academic Exchange Program.

After almost of 10 years of studying German, fate brought me to the United States.

Meanwhile I had forgotten my English learned in high school and had to start all over again, but I had never forgotten Mr. Sheng.

In fact, I kept in touch with him till he passed away a few years ago. Whenever I sent him letters or cards, he always wrote me back. His handwritten letters could be more than 10 pages long.

Living in Germany and the US opened my eyes for things I was not aware of in China as a young person. One of them was the Christian faith.

Years later, when I heard that Mr. Sheng was a Christian and he had graduated from a university in my home town that was founded by the American Christians, the mystery about him was solved. He had simply lived a real Christian life, though he never talked about his faith with his students, because religion was verboten and a taboo. People could go to prison for that.

My hometown Suzhou near Shanghai is a famous city known in China as “paradise on earth.” Suzhou is famous for beautiful gardens and silk embroidery. When I think of my hometown and the 17 years I spent there, Mr. Sheng usually comes to my mind. Even though he was my English Teacher for only one year, the impact he had on my life was enough for me to remember him forever. My admiration and respect for him can only grow as time goes by. Just as his name in Chinese means, Shining Light, he had certainly lighted my life and had shined some light in a not so bright world.

I always wanted to write an article about my favorite teacher. Today, the last day of my kids’ school rekindles that idea.

On this very same day, I finished reading a book a friend recommended me out of blue recently, titled “When God winks at you.” It is about the power of coincidence and how extraordinary little events in your life happen for a reason.

Now I think back about my favorite teacher and my life, I know God has winked at me many times.

Let this article serve as a remembrance to my favorite teacher and a thank-you to all teachers out there.

Please remember, whatever you do, big or little things, you can touch and change lives in ways you might not even know.

As you say good-bye to your students who are leaving you after spending almost a year together and you can’t help shed a few tears, please know, there might be former students of yours who shed a few tears every time they think about you and how you have impacted their lives.

I am one of these former students.

Selected VBS for summer fun

Woodbury Bulletin - 06/03/2009

For families who are interested in having their kids attending Vacation Bible School this summer, I have compiled a list of VBS offered by local churches again this year as I did in the last couple of years.

Included are registration and contact information, VBS date, theme, age and fee requirements.

This is not a comprehensive list. It only includes VBS that I am aware of. Please contact the individual church directly for any questions and for complete information.

“Crocodile Dock” is the most popular theme this year. The majority of VBS listed here take place during the third week in June, a few in July and only one in August. Have a fun and safe summer!


• Woodbury Church of Christ, 4920 Woodbury Drive, Woodbury MN 55129

Register online at www.woodburychurch.org

(651) 459-1869

Monday-Friday, June 15-19, 9 a.m. to noon, "Crocodile Dock,"ages 4-(entering) sixth grade, Free


• Woodbury Community Church, 2975 Pioneer Drive, Woodbury 55125

Register online at www.wccmn.org, (651) 739-1427

Monday-Friday, June 15-19, 9 a.m.-noon

“Crocodile Dock,” K-sixth grade ( in the Fall), Free


• St. John Lutheran Church, 1975 St. John's Drive, Woodbury, MN 55129

http://stjohnwoodbury.org/VBS2009.htm

Return the registration form to the church office

(651) 436-6621 or e-mail stjohn@stjohnwoodbury.org

Monday-Thursday, June 15-18, 9 a.m.-noon (Preschool-Kindergarten), 9 a.m.-3 p.m. (Grades 1-6)

Friday, June 19, 9 a.m.-noon (Preschool-Grade 6), “Gadget’s Garage” (Preschool)

“Opposite Way” (K-6th grade)

Ages 3 (by June 1) - (entering) sixth grade, $15/child (preschool-kindergarten) $20/child (grades 1-6) ($40 family maximum)


• Woodbury Lutheran Church, 7380 Afton Road, Woodbury, MN 55125

Register online at www.woodburylutheran.org/ministries/children/vbs

(651) 739-5144

Monday-Thursday, June 15-18 Choose between morning session 9:30-12:00 or afternoon session (12:30-3 p.m.)

“Gadget's Garage” (preschool), ages 3-current Kindergarten (Must be 3 years old by Sept. 1, 2008), Free

Monday-Thursday, July 13-16, 9 a.m.-noon

“SportsLife Camp” (elementary). 1st-6th grade (completed June 2009), $35 ($45 after June 1)


• King of Kings Lutheran Church, 1583 Radio Drive, Woodbury, MN 55125

www.kingofkingswoodburymn.org

Check the summer programs for more information about other camps http://o.b5z.net/i/u/6123671/i/KofK_08CampFlyr.pdf

(651) 738-3110 or e-mail office@kingofkingswdby.org

VBS Session 1: June 15-19, 9-11:30 a.m., Session 2: June 15-19, 1-3:30 p.m.

"Crocodile Dock," Aages 4 (by 9/1/2009)-3rd grade, $30

Monday-Thursday, July 6-9, 9 a.m.-noon, SportsLife Camp, Completed 1st-4th grade, $72

• St. Peter Lutheran Church, 880 Neal Ave. S., Afton, MN 55001

www.stpeterafton.org

Contact Shannon Hecksel at shecksel@stpeterafton.org or (651) 436-3357

Monday-Friday, June 15-19, 9 a.m. -noon

“Gadget’s Garage”

Preschool-4th grade

Free (lunch included)


• Spirit of Life Bible Church, 690 Commerce Drive, Woodbury, MN 55125

Register online at http://www.SpiritOfLifeBibleChurch.org (651) 731-1900

Tuesday-Friday, June 16-19, 9:30-12:30

“Son Rock,” K-Grade 6, Free


• Resurrection Lutheran Church, 9925 Bailey Road, Woodbury MN 55129

www.resurrection-woodbury.org/

Complete registration form (available at church)

(651) 730-1000

Monday-Thursday, June 22-25, 9:30 a.m.-noon

"Crocodile Dock,” Thursday night closing celebration

Ages 3-4th grade (completed) $30 per child ($75 family maximum)

Monday-Thursday, July 6-9, 9 a.m.-noon

“SportsLife Camp,” Ages 6-11, $50 ($55 for registrations after June 28), Further info at www.sportslifecamps.com


• Woodbury United Methodist Church, 7465 Steepleview Road, Woodbury, MN 55125

www.woodburyumc.org

Check out the summer adventures brochure online for info about other camps

(651) 738-0305

Monday-Friday, June 22-26, 9 a.m.-noon

“Camp Edge,” ages 3-5th Grade, $50, Monday-Friday, July 13-17, 9:30-3:00

Lake Elmo Day Camp: "A Walk With Wesley"

Grades 1st -5th (as of Fall 2009), $135

• Christ Episcopal Church, 7305 Afton Road, Woodbury, MN 55125

www.christchurch-woodbury.org

Download and return forms and fee to the office, registration due Monday, June 15

(651) 735-8790

Monday-Thursday, July 6-9, 9-11:30 a.m.

Family Night Potluck Picnic Thursday, July 9, 5:30-8 p.m.

"Son Rock," ages 3-9

$25 per child ($50 family maximum)


• Grace of God Lutheran Church, 420 Hayward Ave, Oakdale, MN 55128

Register online at www.graceofgodlutheran.com

(651) 730-4900

Monday-Friday, July 13-17, 9-11:30 a.m.

“Rome,” ages 4-6th grade

$15 per child (suggested donation)


• Guardian Angels, 8260 Hudson Boulevard, Oakdale, MN 55128

www.guardian-angels.org/education/childrenyouth/vbs/

Registrations will be closed when full or June 30th whichever comes first.

(651) 738-2223

Monday-Friday, July 27-31, 9:00-12:00

“Studio Go! Game Show”

Tuesday and Thursday evening, July 28 and July 30, 6-8:30 p.m.

Primetime Studio Go!, ages 4-12, $25


• Woodbury Baptist Church, 6695 Upper Afton Road, Woodbury, MN 55125

www.woodburybaptist.org/

(651) 738-7700

Sunday-Thursday, Aug. 2-6, 5:30-8 p.m.

"Crocodile Dock,"Each evening will begin at 5:30 p.m. with a supper.

Ages 4-5th grade, free

Turning a crisis into opportunity

Qin Tang
Woodbury Bulletin - 05/13/2009

In Chinese, the word crisis is made up of two characters: danger and opportunity.

For Katie Dailey of Woodbury, the crisis she experienced in 2008 literally means "danger" and "opportunity." She is a living example of turning a crisis into an opportunity.

Dailey grew up in Shanghai, China. She attended Fudan University, a prestigious university in China. In 1990 Dailey came to the United States for her master’s degree in electrical engineering.

After graduating from South Dakota State University, Dailey started a long and successful career with American Express, Imation, Kodak and 3M as a technical leader.

Unfortunately, Dailey was laid off from 3M after three years working there.

One December morning in 2008, after she walked into the office, she got the unexpected layoff notice.

“It was a total shock for me. I started crying and couldn’t go back to my office again.”

Dailey recalls the tough time that followed. She had to do some soul-searching.

“What do you like to do?”

“What are you passionate about?”

Dailey’s husband and friends asked her these questions and encouraged her to do something she loves.

The Daileys loves to travel. They have been to almost all 50 states in the U.S.

“Spring break and summer are my family’s favorite time of the year," Dailey said. "My family usually flies to a city in a state and then we rent a car. We drive through the state and visit every state park in the state.”

They have also been to Canada and other countries in Europe and Asia.

With her passion for travel, and with her family and friends’ support, Dailey was able to turn her crisis into this opportunity of starting her own travel agent business. She followed her heart’s desire to find a second career.

“It is my passion to travel. It is also my passion to share the wonderful Chinese culture and language with people around the world," she said. "I believe in my service to those people who want to travel to China to experience the fascinating Chinese culture firsthand.”

Dailey became the owner and founder of Dailey Travel LLC, a business that specializes in travel to China, but also covers Asia and the United States. It is a full-service travel agent.

“I have wanted to help young people see China for some time,” Dailey said. “Now I have the opportunity to do that. My first student summer trip to China is this July 21 to 30. It will be a great opportunity for junior high and senior high students to learn about China.”

In addition to junior high and senior high student tours, Dailey Travel also offers culture enrichment and exploration tour, language and education tour, special interest tour, customized college campus visit tour, and senior, retiree or church group tour.

Entrepreneurship requires vision, leadership, persistence, sincere desire to help people, a lot of networking, and hard work. Dailey has all that to make her business successful.

Dailey can feel the pain of people who have lost their jobs. She hopes others who are in a crisis now can also find their "opportunity" in a time of "danger," and turning danger into opportunity.

“I believe when God closes a door, He opens a window.”

Being a new-born Christian, Dailey knew where to draw her strength from.

With only $40 dollar in her pocket and the first time on an airplane, Dailey came to the United States in search of a better education and ultimately a better life, and she has found it.

“I have many crises in my life, but I made through them all. You just got to believe in yourself and never give up.”

Dailey met her husband in South Dakota. They have three sons and have lived in Woodbury for 11 years.

For special deals, events and seminars offered by Dailey Travel, visit www.daileytravelservice.com or contact Katie Dailey at (651) 323-0101 or e-mail Dailey@daileytravelservice.com.

Reach out and serve

We have about 30 churches in Woodbury. They come in all shapes and sizes, big and small, old and new, and in a number of denominations.

While the old churches have decades of history behind them, new ones keep popping up here and there. While the established churches have their own big buildings, the new ones have to use space in schools, the golf course clubhouse or at Central Park as meeting places.

Among the many churches in Woodbury, the one I admire most is Woodbury Lutheran Church, because it does a wonderful job of reaching out and serving the community. I feel a strong personal connection to it as well, even though it’s not my home church.

My daughter went to WLC’s half-day preschool for a few months. I really liked it, but I had to switch her to a full-day daycare center because I couldn’t pick her up during the middle of the day.

My kids had attended Vacation Bible School at WLC a couple of times.

WLC has various ministries to serve its members and the general public. I have personally benefited from its services.

The Career Transition Connection is a ministry that offers advice and support for job seekers. The group meets twice a month. I was there once for a presentation.

I remember another time I went to its “Celebrate Recovery” meeting to hear radio show host Kim Jeffries’ testimony. I like to listen to her "Along the Way" radio program on KTIS AM 900 at noon. When I learned that she would give a testimony, I wanted to hear that and meet her in person.

Most recently, just over a week ago on a Saturday morning, I was at WLC for the Life Planning Ministry event "Longing for simple living.” It provided great teaching and fun activity. I really enjoyed the sessions.

WLC has many more ministries than I just mentioned. It has a ministry to support people with disabilities, as well as Bible Study Fellowship classes for women and MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) for moms.

WLC is a community gathering place. It’s a church that truly opens its heart and door and welcomes everyone in the community. It provides its space to many organizations in their effort to reach out to the community.

For a few years, the Woodbury Chinese Church used the space at WLC for its monthly fellowship. I went to the fellowship meeting many times.

WLC regularly hosts big events sponsored by the South Washington County School District Community Education. I attended a few SAFE (School Age Family Education) presentations myself.

Many people in our area know of or have heard about the Christian Cupboard in Woodbury. For more than two decades, WLC has been a sponsor and providing space for this non-profit organization to provide food and other basic items to those in need.

The service that WLC offers has reached far beyond the borders of Woodbury. Many hurricane recovery mission trips were organized by WLC to help rebuild Ocean Springs, Miss. after Hurricane Katrina.

I am sure WLC is growing and thriving because it is deeply rooted in the community and has a close touch with the public, because it has a giving and serving attitude. When it gives and serves our community in so many ways, it will naturally attract more people to its building and services.

I hope more churches will do what WLC has been doing, opening their hearts and doors wide. Mission work doesn’t have to be done only in other countries and far away places. You can do a lot of mission work right here in your own community.

Every week when I read Woodbury Bulletin, I can usually find something that WLC offers to the public. If your church has a special program and event, put that information in the paper and invite the public to come. If what you do fills the needs of others, they will show up.

In my opinion, WLC is the best church in Woodbury. I feel no other church has done as much for the community as WLC. The church has some wonderful and talented members who love to serve the Lord and others.

For all the things you have done for the community and for me personally, I would like to say a heartfelt thank you to WLC. You set a great example for other churches to follow.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 03/05/2008]

Delay gratification for more appreciation

When my kids go shopping with me, I usually don’t buy them things they want.

They’ve known from the time they were toddlers that when Mom says “No,” she means it. They might have asked for something, but they didn’t throw a fit and cry when they didn’t get what they wanted.

Recently, I went to a department store with my kids. This time, for a very good reason, I agreed to give them each a small amount of money to buy something they wanted.

Soon after we entered the store, my nine-year-old son quickly disappeared into the toy department. A few minutes later, he reappeared with a $30 Lego set and a $10 toy gun in his hands and put them in the shopping cart.

“Andy, why do you need another Lego set? You already have too many Legos at home,” I said. “I don’t want you to have another gun. And besides, you can’t buy these with the amount of money I gave you.”

My son responded, “I know Mom, I can use my own money.”

I countered with, “Sorry, you can’t buy them even with your own money. We can consider it when it’s your birthday. Please put them back.”

My son took the two items out of the cart and put them back. Then with tears in his eyes, he walked away from me.

I called his name a couple of times to ask him back, but he kept walking.

In that moment, I felt a little guilty. I almost wanted to call him back to allow him to buy the items with his own money. But I let it go instead.

Later, Andy picked two small packs of candy for himself. As we walked out of the store, I still felt uneasy. I knew I did the right thing, but my heart felt heavy.

Then out of my son’s mouth came the familiar sentence: “Mom, thank you for bringing us here.”

What a relief when I heard my son saying that. The same expression sounded sweeter now than just a few hours ago when he said: “Mom, thank you for bringing us to the library.”

I was relieved because my son proved what I knew without a doubt that I didn’t do him any harm by not giving him what he wanted. I didn’t harm his self-esteem by depriving him of things he wanted. Quite the contrary, I have taught him the lesson of discipline and delayed gratification.

As the result, my kids are more appreciative of what I do buy or do for them.

Whenever I buy them something, it can be as little as an ice cream cone in the Central Park, they never forget to say: “Mom, thank you for buying this for us.”

Whenever I bring my kids somewhere, whether it’s the library, a store, or their piano lesson, they usually say, “Mom, thank you for bringing us.” Every day after I make dinner, they say, “Mom, thank you for making dinner.”

It warms my heart every time I hear them saying that.

My children have learned to be savers, not compulsive spenders.

Not long ago, when my son had $125 from allowance and holidays, he asked me to deposit $100 into his saving account for him. Then for my birthday, he gave me $20 as a present. He usually brings one dollar to church every week without being reminded. I am very proud of him for being a saver and giver.

I don’t want my kids to have the instant gratification mentality which is so prevalent in our society.

Instant gratification has affected every aspects of our modern life. We want something now and quickly. We don't have time, patience and discipline to wait for something.

In our everyday busy life, often we only have time for drive-through fast food. We don't have time and patience to make a meal at home that is healthier for our body.

We use “the plastic” to buy things we can’t afford but we want now. We can worry about payment later. The same thing happens to our reading habit.

We only have a few minutes here and there to read some news and a few articles, but don't have the time and patience to read a book and really enjoy it.

Here is the truth we probably all know in our mind. The easier for you to get something, the less valuable it means to you and the less you appreciate it. The harder for you to get something, the more valuable it means to you and the more you treasure and appreciate it. The more we want, the more we have, the less we value.

If you learn to delay gratification, you will naturally have a better attitude of gratitude.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 03/12/2008]

No April Fool’s joke

Woodbury Bulletin - 04/01/2009

Since I started writing this column in November 2006, I have not missed a single week’s publication.

I have enjoyed writing every week, thinking about topics to write about and sharing some thoughts with you.

But this column marks the end of my regular column writing.

I wish this were an April Fool’s joke, but it is not.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I will no longer write every week as I have been doing.

In life, we all experience things that are not in our own control.

Right now, we are living in a difficult time. Some of you have lost your jobs — or even worse, your houses — due to circumstances out of your control.

Don’t you wish it were an April Fool’s joke, too?

But in reality, when something happens to us that is out of our control, we just have to accept it, put our energy on things where we can have control and influence, and then move on.

Stephen Covey, in his international bestseller “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” talks about being proactive as habit No. 1 of highly-effective people.

I like his theory of proactive and reactive people, circle of concern and circle of influence.

Reactive people are affected and driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions and by their environment.

Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli but their response to it is a value-based choice or response.

We all have concerns, those who are reactive focus their energy on things beyond their control. They maintain an attitude of victimization and blame.

By contrast, proactive people focus on what they can do, on what they can influence.

Covey uses a model to illustrate the difference between what concerns us and what we have influence over. He describes two circles.

The first is our circle of concern. The second, smaller, circle is our circle of influence. These are the concerns we have control over either directly or indirectly. Our circle of influence is narrower than our circle of concern, and many of our concerns fall outside our circle of influence.

It is tempting to focus our energy on things in life that concern us. We tend to worry and complain, get frustrated and irritated.

But if we have no control and influence over them, that time and energy are wasted. They cannot be used to change areas of concern over which we do have control and influence.

Reactive people focus on everything they're concerned with whether they can influence it or not. They are concerned, but feeling helpless.

Proactive people react differently. They focus on their circle of influence, on what they want to be and what they want to become.

They're actively pursuing the enlargement of their circle of influence. This way, they shape the circumstances instead of complaining about them.

If we want to bring about a change in something that concerns us, we need to focus our energy on concerns that are within our circle of influence. That way we will increase our capacity for influence.

In 2003, I was laid off due to circumstance beyond my control or my supervisor’s control. Because I had the lowest seniority in my job classification, someone in another office who was laid off bumped me out of my position.

I was not happy about the situation, but I was not overly concerned, because there was nothing I could do about it.

My then-supervisor went out of his way to find a temporary assignment for me that enabled me to still stay and work in my office. Then within two months, I was officially hired back by the same employer and got my job back.

Yes, being laid off was in my circle of concern, but being hired back was in my circle of influence.

Had I been a difficult employee, I am sure my supervisor would have been happy to get rid of me at that time. Had I been an average employee, my supervisor might not have made the effort to hire me back.

His decision and effort to hire me back was certainly influenced by me, or by my performance.

Yes, we don’t have to become the powerless victim of circumstances. We can be proactive to increase our direct or indirect control within our circle of influence.

For people who are in difficult circumstances at this economically challenging time, I hope you will focus your time and energy on your circle of influence and bring about a positive change in your life.

As for myself, even though I will no longer write every week for Woodbury Bulletin in the future, I might still write occasionally for you.

However, one thing is for sure, I will keep writing, if not for others, then at least for myself.

Because being a writer is my passion and my dream.

Time of change coming

Woodbury Bulletin - 03/25/2009

My son started kindergarten when Liberty Ridge Elementary opened in 2003. It was a brand new school. Two years later, my daughter became a kindergartener at the same school.

We like the school and the staff. Liberty Ridge is the only school we know. And it is the closest school to our home.

We couldn’t be happier than we are.

When District 833’s school board made the final decision to change the school attendance boundary last April, the result meant my daughter will have to move to Middleton Elementary School as a fourth-grader.

My son will graduate from the elementary school this year and move on to Lake Junior High School, soon to be Lake Middle School. But my daughter still has two more years to go. So she has to move to a different school.

Change is hard for most people.

I remember the series of articles carried in the Woodbury Bulletin about the issue.

There were neighborhood petitions to have their kids go to a different school or stay in the same school.

There were letters to the editors from readers who expressed their opinions as to which plan should be the best.

There were heated debates. There was even a lawsuit.

Everyone had valid points.

I don’t see why kids have to be bused past several schools to get to their new ones. I wish kids living in the same neighborhood didn’t have to be split up and go to different schools.

But I can also understand the concern and resistance parents had whose kids have to change to a different school.

People often buy houses in a certain area because they like a particular school. It’s hard for them to accept the change.

I know people who like Liberty Ridge and don’t want to go to a different school. But I also know people who like Middleton or Red Rock and don’t want to move to a different school.

Once we are used to a school, we like it and get attached to it. We tend to think this is the best one and the only one we want.

While I was not too thrilled about the boundary change for us, I was not really concerned about it.

Yes, Middleton is not as new as Liberty Ridge. It is a little further away for us. It will be a totally new environment for my family.

And while my daughter seems to know everyone at Liberty Ridge, at least in her own grade level, she will only know some at Middleton.

But for me, a school is a school. A school is more than a name or a building. What makes a school good is the dedicated teachers, the actively involved parents and the kids.

It doesn’t matter so much which school in Woodbury my daughter will go to. What matters more is what teachers she will have.

I know some teachers at Liberty Ridge came from Middleton. There must be good teachers at Middleton, as well.

Several weeks ago I had a chance encounter with a young woman. During our very brief conversation, I found out (Didn’t I tell you in my last column that I like to ask questions?) that her daughter goes to Middleton.

After the boundary change next school year, she will go to Liberty Ridge. The woman knows both schools.

She told me that she preferred to have her daughter stay in Middleton.

That brief conversation erased any concern I might still had about the school change for my daughter.

During the week of March 8, my daughter visited Middleton during her school day with all the kids at her school that will go to Middleton.

That same evening we went together for a tour of the school and a presentation by the principal.

We both liked what we saw and experienced. We also liked the Middleton principal.

My daughter imitated several times how the principal introduced herself to the kids during their day time tour. She thought the principal was good and funny.

That same week, my son and I also visited the Lake Junior High School, which will be renamed Lake Middle School when he enters the sixth grade. There was a presentation by the principal and other school officials.

I really appreciate our school district’s efforts in organizing these transition meetings for students and parents, even though the actual change won’t happen till six months later.

They give families an opportunity to visit their new school, to meet the people, to have their questions answered.

I could see that the schools and staff are working hard to prepare for the boundary change and also for the change in grade configuration, both starting in the fall.

I can say that I am very comfortable now with the school change for my daughter. I am sure she will do fine at either school.

We might lose something we had at Liberty Ridge, but we could also gain something we didn’t have before.

With any change, there is a new opportunity.

When changes come, they inevitably will, we need to embrace them and make the best out of them.

Privacy for a price

Woodbury Bulletin - 03/18/2009

I just read Dr. P. M. Forni’s book “Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct.” The book is Washington County Library’s selection for its “One County, One Book” program.

Reading the following 25 rules is a good reminder for everyone on how to be civil.

Pay attention, acknowledge others, think the best, listen, be inclusive, speak kindly, don’t speak ill, accept and give praise, respect even a subtle “no,” respect others’ opinions, mind your body, be agreeable, keep it down (and rediscover silence), respect other people’s time, respect other people’s space, apologize earnestly, assert yourself, avoid personal questions, care for your guests, be a considerate guest, think twice before asking for favors, refrain from idle complaints, accept and give constructive criticism, respect the environment and be gentle to animals, and don’t shift responsibility and blame.

I agree with Forni’s rules, except when it comes to rule No. 18 “avoid personal questions,” I have reservations.

Here is a selection of questions listed in the book many people perceive as intrusive and personal and should be avoided:

“How old are you?”

“How much did it cost?”

“For whom did you vote?”

“Do you believe in God?”

“Are you ill?”

“Have you lost/gained weight?”

In the 18 years I have lived in the U.S., this is the one rule I often question.

Coming from a different country and culture, I was used to the custom of asking personal questions.

Asking an elderly woman, even a stranger on the street about her age was nothing uncivil or embarrassing. On the contrary, it showed respect, because you expressed an interest in her, in her life, in her experiences and her wisdom as an aged person.

Americans are very protective of their privacy and their right to privacy. I understand its importance in this time and age for the reason of identity theft.

But other than that, I also see a high price we pay for the overprotection of privacy and avoiding personal questions.

We treasure our own privacy and respect others’ privacy so much that we become afraid to ask questions, because we don’t want to “unsettle, embarrass and sometimes even anger” people.

I wonder if that’s the reason why there are countless books published in the U.S. with the title “Everything You Wanted To Know about ... But were too Afraid To Ask.”

People wonder about something but they are afraid to ask.

There is the fear of invading somebody’s privacy and thus to embarrass both parties. The result is no questions, no real communication; no communication, no real relationship and friendship; no relationship and friendship, loneliness and depression.

I may be generalizing or oversimplifying things here. Let me give you an example to illustrate what I mean.

Some years ago while in my first week on my first professional job in Chicago, I went with my colleagues to a memorial service for a quite successful woman.

She committed suicide by throwing herself under a train. The event shocked the professional community in the area.

I didn’t know this woman personally. I wondered how such a terrible tragedy could happen. In my mind no one would end their own life in such a way if not in a hopeless and desperate situation.

Everyone who spoke at the memorial service talked about her as a wonderful and happy person who always had a smiling face, and often cheered and comforted others. It was a surprise for everyone that this tragedy happened.

After the memorial service, I still didn’t get the answers I was looking for. I was even more puzzled. It made me just wonder how much these former colleagues really knew her.

What did they know about her behind the smiling face, the hidden mask? Did they really know anything about her life besides her professional life?

That was the first time I started to question the privacy issue.

Are we so concerned about our own and others’ privacy and are we so afraid to ask personal questions that we don’t really know people around us, in our offices, in our neighborhoods or even in our own families?

In the name of protecting privacy, we have lost touch with other fellow human beings. We have superficial conversations. We work and live next to each other, without really knowing each other.

I have an inquisitive mind and like to ask questions. Among my Chinese friends, I feel comfortable asking such personal questions listed above.

I think you can only know people well by getting personal and asking personal questions.

But I don’t ask my American friends these questions, or I try not to, because I am afraid to embarrass people.

When I travel on an airplane, I like to talk to strangers next to me. Most times people are not interested in conversations.

Last year on my way to Seattle, I struck up a conversation with a woman seated next to me. She was a very nice person, a teacher and had a good family.

Because I asked her a lot of questions, about her job, her kids, her life experiences, she shared with me a lot of things I think some of her families, friends, or neighbors might not know, such as her struggle with her son’s drug use.

We truly enjoyed each other’s company and our conversation. When we arrived, she offered to give me a ride to my hotel. I was very thankful for her offer. I didn’t ride with her just because I could share a cab with an acquaintance to the same destination.

When we departed, we didn’t leave contact info for each other. She said to me, “I told you so much about myself, because I know we will never meet again, and it’s safe.”

It’s kind of sad that many of us feel safer and are willing to share with a total stranger than with people we know.

It was not important for me what her name, her address and her identity was. What important for me was as travelers on this trip and on this earth, we had a two hour chance encounter and shared a little bit of our lives with each other.

We opened our hearts to each other, made our journey together more enjoyable. I felt good to be trusted by someone I met for the first time.

The experience was so much better than reading a paper or doing anything else.

I am sure had I not taken the initiative to ask her personal questions, our conversation wouldn’t have taken place and it would just be another very boring plane trip for me.

I used to read “Ann Lander” and “Dear Abby” columns. I remember readers often complained about people asking personal, insensitive or dumb questions.

It is hard for me to understand the problem, because I don’t consider that as a problem. I think most people ask questions without any bad intention. They want to have a conversation, to get to know people better, to show their interest and concern.

Why complain about people asking some questions? Let’s “think the best of others” as rule No. 3 in the book states.

Yes, we have more privacy in this country, but we also have more silence, isolation, loneliness and depression.

Speaking about favorite books with LJHS students

Woodbury Bulletin - 03/11/2009

On Feb. 27 I was at Lake Junior High School participating in its annual National Reading Day event.

More than 30 guest speakers from the community came to share their love for reading and to promote literacy and numeracy.

Each of us was asked to share one of our favorite books with our assigned class. I had a sixth grade class.

My first and immediate thought about picking a favorite book was: “It’s easy. It should be the Bible.” Because that is the only book I have read more often than any other books. And that’s true for many other people, too.

But I knew I was not asked to go to school to talk about the Bible and read from it. So I had to think about another book.

I like to read and have read quite a lot of books. It was not so easy to decide which one is my favorite.

After a little thinking, I picked Hal Urban’s “Life’s Greatest Lessons: 20 Things that Matter,” for two reasons.

First, this is one of the very few books I had actually read twice.

I rarely read books more than once. There are just too many books to read and not enough time to read. But there is something in that book that I really liked so I checked it out twice from the library.

Second, the book was written by a high school teacher who loved teaching and kids. He wrote the book for his kids and his students and provided great life lessons in it.

The book was self-published and was awarded Best Inspirational Book of the Year 2000 by Writer's Digest Magazine. It became popular and went through several printings before it was picked by a major publisher.

The book contains the wisdom of the ages and essential life truths. The 20 lessons are great for character education. The book is not only good for kids, parents and teachers, it is good for everyone.

So the 20 lessons are worth sharing here.

1. Success is more than making money.

2. Life is hard and not always fair.

3. Life is also fun and incredibly funny.

4. We live by choice, not by chance.

5. Attitude is a choice — the most important one you’ll every make.

6. Habits are the key to all success.

7. Being thankful is a habit — the best one you’ll ever have.

8. Good people build their lives on a foundation of respect.

9. Honesty is still the best policy.

10. Kind words cost little but accomplish much.

11. Real motivation comes from within.

12. Goals are dreams with deadlines.

13. There’s no substitute for hard work.

14. You have to give up something to get something.

15. Successful people don’t find time — they make time.

16. No one else can raise your self-esteem.

17. The body needs nutrition and exercise — so do the mind and the spirit.

18. It’s OK to fail – everyone else has.

19. Life is simpler when we know what’s essential.

20. Essential No. 1 is being a good person.

Before I talked about this book and read from it to my sixth-grader’s class, I did a quiz with the kids just for fun.

I asked them: “What book is the best-selling book on the market now?”

I got different answers: “Harry Potter,” “Twilight,” etc.

To give them more clues I added: “What book is the best-selling book of all time, past, present and future, and possibly in all countries and languages?

Still, I did not get the correct answer.

Then I said: “Most likely many of you have more than one copy at home for this book.”

Finally, a boy answered with hesitation and a query in his voice: “The Bible?”

I knew my first question was tricky and could be misleading, but I didn’t realize that the questions were hard for the sixth-graders.

I also read something I wrote and shared a poem with them.

I told the kids how fortunate they are to live in this country, to have such great school and public libraries, and to have easy access to reading materials.

They really have no reasons not to read.

The annual National Reading Day event was organized by the Student Literacy Council at LJH with the help of LJH Literacy Coach Jan Buikema. It was a great school and community event, very well organized. As a guest speaker I felt very welcomed and appreciated.

Congratulations to LJHS for a job well done.

A diet plan that works

Woodbury Bulletin - 03/04/2009

In the United States, being overweight is a big health problem.

Part of the problem is caused by the "Standard American Diet" (SAD) that is disproportionately low in fruits and vegetables and high in saturated fats and refined sugars and carbohydrates.

As the result of our SAD diet and sedentary lifestyle, more and more are struggling with obesity and other chronic health conditions, such as diabetes, strokes and heart disease.

To lose weight, people try many different kinds of diets: low carbohydrate diets, low fat diets, high protein diet, low protein diet, South Beach Diet, Atkins Diet ... The list of diets can go on and on.

Personally, I doubt the effectiveness of most of these diets. Each diet might work for some people, but not for everyone.

I believe the diet plan that really works universally for everyone is this seven-word plan: "Eat Less, Exercise More and Live Healthy!"

Here are a few practical tips to help you lose weight if you are struggling with the problem.

Sometimes, in order to solve a problem, we not only have to look at that problem, but we also need to step back and look at the whole picture in order to get to the root cause of the
problem.

The same is true with weight loss. Look for the root cause of your weight problem. Dealing with the underlying issues of using food to treat boredom, stress, anxiety, depression or loneliness might be the first step to effective weight loss.

If you are experiencing problems in your life, whether it is financially, emotionally or relationally, work on those problems.

Weight problems are often the symptoms of other problems you have in life.

Once you get your life straight and organized, your weight problem might take care of itself without much effort.

If you just focus on the symptoms of weight without addressing the underlying issues, then no matter how hard you try the different diets, they will not be effective.

In terms of diet, we need to move away from the SAD diet and move to a more healthful, balanced and natural diet - a plant-based diet.

This is what I mean:

Stay away from fast food, fried food, processed food and convenience food. Avoid food where you can't pronounce the ingredients.

Stop drinking soda and any sweetened bottle drinks.

Reduce the intake of three white things - white flour, salt and sugar.

Keep your food as whole and natural as possible by eating more raw fruits, veggies and nuts.

Eat more fresh vegetables and fruit instead of cooked or canned vegetables and fruits or drinking fruit juice.

Make rainbow, i.e. colorful, food part of your regular diet.

Eat a wide variety of colorful fruits and vegetables gives your body the range of valuable nutrients it needs to maintain health. And the deeper the color, the better.

To get more variety and color in your diet, try red (beets, tomatoes, watermelon),orange/yellow (carrots, sweet potatoes, lemons, oranges, grapefruits), green (spinach, broccoli), blue/purple (blueberries, grapes, raisins, and eggplant), and white (garlic,onions, bananas, potatoes).

No unhealthy snacks between meals. Snack on vegetables, fruits or nuts if you must.

Eat out less. Learn to cook from scratch to better control what you eat and how much you eat.

Start your day with a glass of water and drink plenty of water all day.

People often eat while doing other things at the same time, such as driving, watching TV and working on computer. Instead of multitasking, we should be mindful while eating.

Try to enjoy your food, eat it slowly and consciously. You will only eat as much as you need to be full.

Don't eat after dinner and before going to bed.

Brush your teeth early in the evening rather than just before bed. It keeps you from snacking if you're not really hungry.

Go to bed early and get up early. If you stay up late, you might overeat.

In essence, weight loss is about the balance between calories taken in and calories burned. Eat only when you are hungry. Try not to overeat like we often do at parties and buffets.

If you have to indulge yourself sometimes, then remember to keep everything in moderation.

Besides eating healthy and eating less, you need to exercise as well.

Walk and bike as much as you can. Use the stairs instead of the elevator whenever you can.

Join a weight-loss group for support and have an exercise buddy for motivation and accountability.

Never give up, even after you have failed a few times. When you fail, start over and keep going.

Just remember, Eat Less, Exercise More and Live Healthy!

Your reward will be a healthy and better you.

Dealing with difficult people

Woodbury Bulletin - 02/25/2009

In my last column, I talked about “slow to anger, quick to listen.” It had advice for others as well as for myself.

The same week I submitted that article for publication, I was put to test by a difficult person in my work place.

I graduated from college in 1985. Since then, I have been through two graduate programs and various jobs. I have never had any memorable problems and conflicts with anyone in schools or workplaces. I think I get along with people well.

My response towards people who are difficult is to stay away from them.

So, even though there is a difficult person in my office since I started working there several years ago, and some former colleagues left jobs because of the unhealthy environment caused by that person, I was doing fine. I never felt targeted.

But it all changed last week.

Lately, I had some issues with that person. Because I thought what that person did or did not do was not good for effective business operation, for customer service and for team work, I reported the unprofessional conduct to my supervisor.

That resulted in big trouble for me. I could feel the heat coming afterwards.

A message was sent to everyone in my office about a minor error I made. It was not a big deal at all. It didn’t cause any problem and could be easily corrected.

Personally, I won’t act the way that person did. If I find someone made that kind of innocent mistake, I would simply tell him in private and ask him to fix it. I won’t broadcast it to everyone who has nothing to do with it.

But I was OK with what that person did, because I welcome others’ criticism and corrections. I like to know what I did wrong so I can do better. I like to take responsibilities for my actions and mistakes.

I don’t have a big ego and I have enough self-esteem. So I have no problem admitting my mistakes in public if necessary.

That person could report my errors to my supervisor, my supervisor’s supervisor, or the highest power in the organization; it won’t bother me so much.

But days later, that person sent another e-mail to everyone in my office reporting another, but similar kind of mistake I supposedly made. What angered me was the mistake she reported publicly didn’t actually happen. I had the facts to prove it.

When I confronted that person, she even lied to my face and denied the thing she did for which I could again find prove.

It was hard to not get angry when I was in that situation.

How could things like that happen? It was just unbelievable to me.

I know there are always difficult people in every organization. Otherwise there won’t be so many books or presentations on dealing with difficult people.

Now I finally experienced and realized how difficult people can be. I started to understand why people leave jobs because of difficult people and unhealthy work environment.

I also saw the limits of what an individual or organization can do.

In the private sector, it is much easier to fire someone who is difficult, incompetent and can’t do his job well.

But in the public sector, it seems like almost impossible to fire someone.

Some supervisors simply give in to difficult people and give up their efforts to fire difficult people, because it is too cumbersome. It is not worth of their time and efforts.

Not being able to reward good employees and discipline difficult employees efficiently and effectively is also a problem in the public sector.

In my case, I did let my supervisor and colleagues know what the truth was.

I did write a firm letter to that person stating clearly what happened and what was wrong. I said it was not acceptable to fabricate things about another person in the public.

I also requested a public apology from that person. So far it has not happened, which was not surprising to me.

But I felt good that I stood up for myself and set the boundaries. And I did all I could do in my power.

In the end, I just have to let it go.

I know difficult people are difficult for a reason.

I know I can’t do anything to change them or the situation. All I can change is my reaction and my attitude toward them.

I know harboring anger toward that difficult person does not do me any good. It will affect my mind, my health, my life in a negative way.

Taking the high road is really the only way to keep the peace I want. And having some compassion for that difficult person is what I should do.

Slow to anger, quick to listen

Woodbury Bulletin - 02/18/2009

Normally, I don’t hear from anyone after a column is published.

So I was surprised when my Jan. 28 column about school closing generated a few angry messages from readers.

I say “angry” because either those readers got angry after reading my column or they thought I was angry about the school closing.

I can’t speak for other people why they felt the way they did. But I want to say a few words to clear any possible misunderstanding.

First of all, I was not angry when the school was closed. I was not angry when I wrote that column. It was not my intention to express any anger at anyone or the school district.

If I was not clear with my intention or in my writing, if I used the wrong words and sounded angry, or if I was disrespectful or ungrateful and therefore offended anyone, I would like to apologize here.

Yes, I was surprised by the school closing.

Yes, I was in the minority camp of parents that did not like school closing.

Yes, I can get angry like everyone else.

But to get angry with school closing? Definitely no!

School closing is not something that can affect me so much emotionally to get me angry.

As I stated in the Jan. 28 column, I knew the decision to close school was “based on the best interests of the students and employees.”

I also said: “I understand different factors are taken into consideration. I admit I only see a few trees and not the forest or the whole picture.

I also understand that other parents may have different opinions about school closing. It is OK to have different points of view. We are all different and think differently.”

I was just sharing my own thoughts and personal preferences.

I didn’t say my point of view is better than others, or my way is a better way.

I welcome others to show me the forest or the whole picture, to share their point of view, but sending me angry comments was a little overboard to me.

For example, I was told that I was incapable of following the local news on my own.

I didn’t say I couldn’t follow the local news and therefore needed someone to tell me about severe weather conditions in advance.

I am a librarian with two masters degrees and my ability to find news and information is at least about average, if not above average.

During winter time, my kids are often driven to school instead of taking the bus, when it is cold.

Sometimes I wonder whether people really take the time to read what is said and whether they really understand what is said before making comments and judgments.

Personally, I like to ask questions and say things straight from my mind. I am not afraid of looking and being dumb. I like constructive criticism.

I always tell my colleagues to correct me if I do something wrong or to let me know if something could be done differently and better.

Last week, I had a meeting with an employee from a different office who expressed dissatisfaction with a monthly publication our office puts together. It was the first time I heard a negative comment about our publication.

So, I initiated the meeting to find out how we could improve our publication and do a better job.

People are usually very polite and say nice things to make others feel good. Or they don’t say anything even if they don’t like something. They keep to themselves for the fear of offending others.

Positive comments are nice, but they don’t offer much help for improvement.

On the other hand, negative comments, if offered in a constructive way, provide food for thought and opportunities for improvement. That’s why I was very grateful for that person’s negative and honest comments.

I think it is important to provide a safe environment for people to express their opinions, thoughts, and feelings.

Oftentimes, people just want to feel heard and validated.

People can disagree with each other, but share your opinions in a calm manner and don’t get angry because others have different opinions.

We need to be more open to different ideas and different points of view.

Sometimes there is no right or wrong. What is right or wrong in your mind depends on your family and cultural backgrounds, personal experiences and value systems.

We need to be more tolerant. Don’t be easily offended by someone who has a different point of view.

Sometimes people are so passionate about their own ideas and beliefs, they can’t tolerate others who are different.

We need to be good listeners.

Sometimes we jump into conclusions and judgment too fast and too early, before others can finish what they have to say or before we really understand what has been said.

We should try to find something good in what others say. Even if 99 percent of what is said is nonsense, there is still one percent left that might be good and could help us improve, to do a better job or to be a better person.

The thought that kept coming to my mind these last two weeks is the Bible verse, “slow to anger, quick to listen.”

This is what I remind myself and also want to tell my readers who got angry with my columns or might get angry with my future columns.

Learning five love languages

Woodbury Bulletin - 02/11/2009

Have you ever read a book and liked it so much that you say to yourself, “I wish everyone would read this?”

This happens to me whenever I read a good book.

One such book I highly recommend to everyone is “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Chapman, a renowned author, speaker and marriage counselor, has more than thirty years of experience in marriage counseling. His books are widely popular.

Based on his work with thousands of people, Chapman comes to the conclusion that problems and unhappiness in marriage often have a simple root cause — we speak different love languages.

If couples don’t speak the same love language, they can’t communicate effectively. The result is miscommunication and misunderstanding and feelings of not being loved.

Chapman believes the need to feel loved is a basic human emotional need. At the heart of every human being is the desire to be loved and understood by another human being. However, what makes one person feel loved is not always the thing that makes another person feel loved.

In the field of linguistics, there are many different languages: English, German, Chinese, French, Italian, Spanish, etc.

Most people grow up learning and speaking a certain language which becomes our primary or native language. We are most comfortable speaking this language.

Naturally, if one person speaks only English and another speaks only Chinese, they can’t communicate with each other. At the very least their communication will be limited.

In the area of love, there are also different languages.

Chapman identifies five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. They are five ways that people speak and understand love.

A language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects.

If you like to use kind words and verbal compliments to express love, then your primary love language is words of affirmation.

If being together, doing things together, spending focused time together, having quality conversation with each other, and giving each other undivided attention is important to you, then your primary love language is quality time.

If you think giving and receiving gifts is the way to express love, then your primary love language is gifts.

If you feel most loved when your spouse does something for you and if you seek to please your spouse by serving her/him, then your primary love language is acts of service.

If holding hands, kissing, embracing and being intimate makes you feel loved, then your primary love language is physical touch.

As we grow up, we develop a primary emotional love language based on our unique psychological makeup and the environment. We will speak and understand one primary love language.

We often love our spouse the way we'd like to be loved, and so does our spouse love us the way they'd like to be love.

But husband and wife rarely speak the same primary love language. We become frustrated when our spouse doesn’t understand what we are communicating. We think we are expressing love, but the message doesn’t come through, because what we are speaking is like a foreign language to them.

If your love language is different than your spouse’s, then no matter how hard you try to express love, you will not understand how to love each other.

Chapman uses the concept of the emotional love tank. When our love tank is full, we feel secure and loved. But when our love tank is empty, we feel used and not loved.

If we want to fill our spouse’s love tank, to meet their emotional need for love, and to be effective communicators of love, we must be willing to learn their primary love language. If we want our spouse to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in their primary love language.

Once we meet our spouse’s emotional need and fill their love tank by speaking their primary love language, chances are they will reciprocate and speak our love language.

Chapman believes that learning and understanding the primary love language of yourself and your spouse is one of the keys to a loving relationship.

If you are interested in learning more about the five love language and discovering your and your spouse’s love language, if you long to improve your relationship with your spouse, your children, your parents, or your siblings, then you will benefit from reading the book.

You can find the book at the Washington County Library, local book stores or online.

The book will also make a great Valentine’s gift for your loved ones.