Music, No pain, no gain

My son Andy started piano lesson in September 2004 when he was six years old. Less than a year later, my five year old daughter Amy began her lesson as well. Our family life has not been the same since then.

As any parent whose child takes music lessons knows, learning an instrument requires every day practice. Making the child practice can be a real challenge.

Every evening my kids have to practice piano. This is not something they are eager to do and willing to do on their own.

I always have to remind them, or to be more accurate, nag at them. Most times they comply. But there were days they didn’t cooperate and refused to play, especially at the beginning.

Andy said many times, he hated piano and didn’t want to practice. He begged me he wanted to quit. Besides complaints, many tears were shed.

As for my strong willed daughter, she didn’t like to be corrected. As soon as I corrected her mistakes, she refused to play.

I have to admit I am not someone with much patience. I can easily get frustrated and raise my voice when things don’t go smoothly.

During those difficult times, I was so frustrated, I wanted to quit too.

“Why do I spend so much money, time and energy in something that requires so much hard work and brings so much frustration into our life?” I questioned many times.

Then I have to remind myself again and again the reasons why I wanted them to learn piano in the first place. My hopes and goals for them are:

- Learn to play at least one instrument.

I grew up in poverty and didn't have an opportunity to learn any instrument. I wanted to give my children this opportunity when I can.

- Develop a love and understanding for music to enrich their life.

- Develop good study and work habits early on and learn that any success in life comes from hard work.

- Be able to delay gratification in pursuit of a greater goal and learn that there is no easy success and instant gratification in something truly great and wonderful.

- Learn patience and discipline through daily practice.

- Build confidence and self-esteem by doing something well.

- Learn that self worth comes from who they are and what they do, not from what they have. Giving them more experience is better than giving them more stuff in life.

- Use their free time to play music instead of playing computer games and watching TV.

- Do something creative to fill their time and life so they don't get bored and get into trouble when in their teenage years.

Although I still have to nag at them every day, Amy likes piano now. As for Andy, he doesn’t like it as much as Amy does. But over the last two years, we have established the daily routine that they have to play every day. They don’t question it any more. Often they just argue who plays first.

I told Andy he has to play until he graduates from high school. Then he will be old enough to make his own decision and he can quit if he wants to.

I found a good relationship between teacher and student is very important in a child’s attitude toward the music lesson. A loving and patient teacher can make a big difference in changing a child’s attitude and getting him interested and motivated in music lessons.

I am glad both of my kids have found wonderful teachers, Dr. Jo Anne Link and Dr. Joseph Zins from St. Paul. Since starting lessons with these two teachers a year ago, both Andy and Amy have a better attitude. There is less complaint and frustration. Life is getting easier during practice time.

One day last December, Andy came home from school and showed me proudly a certificate he got from his music teacher after playing piano in the class talent show. He said: “Mom, I kind of like piano now.”

That was music to my ear. It was something I had been waiting to hear.

“Hooray, let’s celebrate!” I was so happy.

I was glad I didn’t quit and I didn’t let him quit despite his many complaints and tears.

No short-term pain, no long-term gain. This is a truth in life.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 6/6/2007]