Time of change coming

Woodbury Bulletin - 03/25/2009

My son started kindergarten when Liberty Ridge Elementary opened in 2003. It was a brand new school. Two years later, my daughter became a kindergartener at the same school.

We like the school and the staff. Liberty Ridge is the only school we know. And it is the closest school to our home.

We couldn’t be happier than we are.

When District 833’s school board made the final decision to change the school attendance boundary last April, the result meant my daughter will have to move to Middleton Elementary School as a fourth-grader.

My son will graduate from the elementary school this year and move on to Lake Junior High School, soon to be Lake Middle School. But my daughter still has two more years to go. So she has to move to a different school.

Change is hard for most people.

I remember the series of articles carried in the Woodbury Bulletin about the issue.

There were neighborhood petitions to have their kids go to a different school or stay in the same school.

There were letters to the editors from readers who expressed their opinions as to which plan should be the best.

There were heated debates. There was even a lawsuit.

Everyone had valid points.

I don’t see why kids have to be bused past several schools to get to their new ones. I wish kids living in the same neighborhood didn’t have to be split up and go to different schools.

But I can also understand the concern and resistance parents had whose kids have to change to a different school.

People often buy houses in a certain area because they like a particular school. It’s hard for them to accept the change.

I know people who like Liberty Ridge and don’t want to go to a different school. But I also know people who like Middleton or Red Rock and don’t want to move to a different school.

Once we are used to a school, we like it and get attached to it. We tend to think this is the best one and the only one we want.

While I was not too thrilled about the boundary change for us, I was not really concerned about it.

Yes, Middleton is not as new as Liberty Ridge. It is a little further away for us. It will be a totally new environment for my family.

And while my daughter seems to know everyone at Liberty Ridge, at least in her own grade level, she will only know some at Middleton.

But for me, a school is a school. A school is more than a name or a building. What makes a school good is the dedicated teachers, the actively involved parents and the kids.

It doesn’t matter so much which school in Woodbury my daughter will go to. What matters more is what teachers she will have.

I know some teachers at Liberty Ridge came from Middleton. There must be good teachers at Middleton, as well.

Several weeks ago I had a chance encounter with a young woman. During our very brief conversation, I found out (Didn’t I tell you in my last column that I like to ask questions?) that her daughter goes to Middleton.

After the boundary change next school year, she will go to Liberty Ridge. The woman knows both schools.

She told me that she preferred to have her daughter stay in Middleton.

That brief conversation erased any concern I might still had about the school change for my daughter.

During the week of March 8, my daughter visited Middleton during her school day with all the kids at her school that will go to Middleton.

That same evening we went together for a tour of the school and a presentation by the principal.

We both liked what we saw and experienced. We also liked the Middleton principal.

My daughter imitated several times how the principal introduced herself to the kids during their day time tour. She thought the principal was good and funny.

That same week, my son and I also visited the Lake Junior High School, which will be renamed Lake Middle School when he enters the sixth grade. There was a presentation by the principal and other school officials.

I really appreciate our school district’s efforts in organizing these transition meetings for students and parents, even though the actual change won’t happen till six months later.

They give families an opportunity to visit their new school, to meet the people, to have their questions answered.

I could see that the schools and staff are working hard to prepare for the boundary change and also for the change in grade configuration, both starting in the fall.

I can say that I am very comfortable now with the school change for my daughter. I am sure she will do fine at either school.

We might lose something we had at Liberty Ridge, but we could also gain something we didn’t have before.

With any change, there is a new opportunity.

When changes come, they inevitably will, we need to embrace them and make the best out of them.

Privacy for a price

Woodbury Bulletin - 03/18/2009

I just read Dr. P. M. Forni’s book “Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct.” The book is Washington County Library’s selection for its “One County, One Book” program.

Reading the following 25 rules is a good reminder for everyone on how to be civil.

Pay attention, acknowledge others, think the best, listen, be inclusive, speak kindly, don’t speak ill, accept and give praise, respect even a subtle “no,” respect others’ opinions, mind your body, be agreeable, keep it down (and rediscover silence), respect other people’s time, respect other people’s space, apologize earnestly, assert yourself, avoid personal questions, care for your guests, be a considerate guest, think twice before asking for favors, refrain from idle complaints, accept and give constructive criticism, respect the environment and be gentle to animals, and don’t shift responsibility and blame.

I agree with Forni’s rules, except when it comes to rule No. 18 “avoid personal questions,” I have reservations.

Here is a selection of questions listed in the book many people perceive as intrusive and personal and should be avoided:

“How old are you?”

“How much did it cost?”

“For whom did you vote?”

“Do you believe in God?”

“Are you ill?”

“Have you lost/gained weight?”

In the 18 years I have lived in the U.S., this is the one rule I often question.

Coming from a different country and culture, I was used to the custom of asking personal questions.

Asking an elderly woman, even a stranger on the street about her age was nothing uncivil or embarrassing. On the contrary, it showed respect, because you expressed an interest in her, in her life, in her experiences and her wisdom as an aged person.

Americans are very protective of their privacy and their right to privacy. I understand its importance in this time and age for the reason of identity theft.

But other than that, I also see a high price we pay for the overprotection of privacy and avoiding personal questions.

We treasure our own privacy and respect others’ privacy so much that we become afraid to ask questions, because we don’t want to “unsettle, embarrass and sometimes even anger” people.

I wonder if that’s the reason why there are countless books published in the U.S. with the title “Everything You Wanted To Know about ... But were too Afraid To Ask.”

People wonder about something but they are afraid to ask.

There is the fear of invading somebody’s privacy and thus to embarrass both parties. The result is no questions, no real communication; no communication, no real relationship and friendship; no relationship and friendship, loneliness and depression.

I may be generalizing or oversimplifying things here. Let me give you an example to illustrate what I mean.

Some years ago while in my first week on my first professional job in Chicago, I went with my colleagues to a memorial service for a quite successful woman.

She committed suicide by throwing herself under a train. The event shocked the professional community in the area.

I didn’t know this woman personally. I wondered how such a terrible tragedy could happen. In my mind no one would end their own life in such a way if not in a hopeless and desperate situation.

Everyone who spoke at the memorial service talked about her as a wonderful and happy person who always had a smiling face, and often cheered and comforted others. It was a surprise for everyone that this tragedy happened.

After the memorial service, I still didn’t get the answers I was looking for. I was even more puzzled. It made me just wonder how much these former colleagues really knew her.

What did they know about her behind the smiling face, the hidden mask? Did they really know anything about her life besides her professional life?

That was the first time I started to question the privacy issue.

Are we so concerned about our own and others’ privacy and are we so afraid to ask personal questions that we don’t really know people around us, in our offices, in our neighborhoods or even in our own families?

In the name of protecting privacy, we have lost touch with other fellow human beings. We have superficial conversations. We work and live next to each other, without really knowing each other.

I have an inquisitive mind and like to ask questions. Among my Chinese friends, I feel comfortable asking such personal questions listed above.

I think you can only know people well by getting personal and asking personal questions.

But I don’t ask my American friends these questions, or I try not to, because I am afraid to embarrass people.

When I travel on an airplane, I like to talk to strangers next to me. Most times people are not interested in conversations.

Last year on my way to Seattle, I struck up a conversation with a woman seated next to me. She was a very nice person, a teacher and had a good family.

Because I asked her a lot of questions, about her job, her kids, her life experiences, she shared with me a lot of things I think some of her families, friends, or neighbors might not know, such as her struggle with her son’s drug use.

We truly enjoyed each other’s company and our conversation. When we arrived, she offered to give me a ride to my hotel. I was very thankful for her offer. I didn’t ride with her just because I could share a cab with an acquaintance to the same destination.

When we departed, we didn’t leave contact info for each other. She said to me, “I told you so much about myself, because I know we will never meet again, and it’s safe.”

It’s kind of sad that many of us feel safer and are willing to share with a total stranger than with people we know.

It was not important for me what her name, her address and her identity was. What important for me was as travelers on this trip and on this earth, we had a two hour chance encounter and shared a little bit of our lives with each other.

We opened our hearts to each other, made our journey together more enjoyable. I felt good to be trusted by someone I met for the first time.

The experience was so much better than reading a paper or doing anything else.

I am sure had I not taken the initiative to ask her personal questions, our conversation wouldn’t have taken place and it would just be another very boring plane trip for me.

I used to read “Ann Lander” and “Dear Abby” columns. I remember readers often complained about people asking personal, insensitive or dumb questions.

It is hard for me to understand the problem, because I don’t consider that as a problem. I think most people ask questions without any bad intention. They want to have a conversation, to get to know people better, to show their interest and concern.

Why complain about people asking some questions? Let’s “think the best of others” as rule No. 3 in the book states.

Yes, we have more privacy in this country, but we also have more silence, isolation, loneliness and depression.

Speaking about favorite books with LJHS students

Woodbury Bulletin - 03/11/2009

On Feb. 27 I was at Lake Junior High School participating in its annual National Reading Day event.

More than 30 guest speakers from the community came to share their love for reading and to promote literacy and numeracy.

Each of us was asked to share one of our favorite books with our assigned class. I had a sixth grade class.

My first and immediate thought about picking a favorite book was: “It’s easy. It should be the Bible.” Because that is the only book I have read more often than any other books. And that’s true for many other people, too.

But I knew I was not asked to go to school to talk about the Bible and read from it. So I had to think about another book.

I like to read and have read quite a lot of books. It was not so easy to decide which one is my favorite.

After a little thinking, I picked Hal Urban’s “Life’s Greatest Lessons: 20 Things that Matter,” for two reasons.

First, this is one of the very few books I had actually read twice.

I rarely read books more than once. There are just too many books to read and not enough time to read. But there is something in that book that I really liked so I checked it out twice from the library.

Second, the book was written by a high school teacher who loved teaching and kids. He wrote the book for his kids and his students and provided great life lessons in it.

The book was self-published and was awarded Best Inspirational Book of the Year 2000 by Writer's Digest Magazine. It became popular and went through several printings before it was picked by a major publisher.

The book contains the wisdom of the ages and essential life truths. The 20 lessons are great for character education. The book is not only good for kids, parents and teachers, it is good for everyone.

So the 20 lessons are worth sharing here.

1. Success is more than making money.

2. Life is hard and not always fair.

3. Life is also fun and incredibly funny.

4. We live by choice, not by chance.

5. Attitude is a choice — the most important one you’ll every make.

6. Habits are the key to all success.

7. Being thankful is a habit — the best one you’ll ever have.

8. Good people build their lives on a foundation of respect.

9. Honesty is still the best policy.

10. Kind words cost little but accomplish much.

11. Real motivation comes from within.

12. Goals are dreams with deadlines.

13. There’s no substitute for hard work.

14. You have to give up something to get something.

15. Successful people don’t find time — they make time.

16. No one else can raise your self-esteem.

17. The body needs nutrition and exercise — so do the mind and the spirit.

18. It’s OK to fail – everyone else has.

19. Life is simpler when we know what’s essential.

20. Essential No. 1 is being a good person.

Before I talked about this book and read from it to my sixth-grader’s class, I did a quiz with the kids just for fun.

I asked them: “What book is the best-selling book on the market now?”

I got different answers: “Harry Potter,” “Twilight,” etc.

To give them more clues I added: “What book is the best-selling book of all time, past, present and future, and possibly in all countries and languages?

Still, I did not get the correct answer.

Then I said: “Most likely many of you have more than one copy at home for this book.”

Finally, a boy answered with hesitation and a query in his voice: “The Bible?”

I knew my first question was tricky and could be misleading, but I didn’t realize that the questions were hard for the sixth-graders.

I also read something I wrote and shared a poem with them.

I told the kids how fortunate they are to live in this country, to have such great school and public libraries, and to have easy access to reading materials.

They really have no reasons not to read.

The annual National Reading Day event was organized by the Student Literacy Council at LJH with the help of LJH Literacy Coach Jan Buikema. It was a great school and community event, very well organized. As a guest speaker I felt very welcomed and appreciated.

Congratulations to LJHS for a job well done.

A diet plan that works

Woodbury Bulletin - 03/04/2009

In the United States, being overweight is a big health problem.

Part of the problem is caused by the "Standard American Diet" (SAD) that is disproportionately low in fruits and vegetables and high in saturated fats and refined sugars and carbohydrates.

As the result of our SAD diet and sedentary lifestyle, more and more are struggling with obesity and other chronic health conditions, such as diabetes, strokes and heart disease.

To lose weight, people try many different kinds of diets: low carbohydrate diets, low fat diets, high protein diet, low protein diet, South Beach Diet, Atkins Diet ... The list of diets can go on and on.

Personally, I doubt the effectiveness of most of these diets. Each diet might work for some people, but not for everyone.

I believe the diet plan that really works universally for everyone is this seven-word plan: "Eat Less, Exercise More and Live Healthy!"

Here are a few practical tips to help you lose weight if you are struggling with the problem.

Sometimes, in order to solve a problem, we not only have to look at that problem, but we also need to step back and look at the whole picture in order to get to the root cause of the
problem.

The same is true with weight loss. Look for the root cause of your weight problem. Dealing with the underlying issues of using food to treat boredom, stress, anxiety, depression or loneliness might be the first step to effective weight loss.

If you are experiencing problems in your life, whether it is financially, emotionally or relationally, work on those problems.

Weight problems are often the symptoms of other problems you have in life.

Once you get your life straight and organized, your weight problem might take care of itself without much effort.

If you just focus on the symptoms of weight without addressing the underlying issues, then no matter how hard you try the different diets, they will not be effective.

In terms of diet, we need to move away from the SAD diet and move to a more healthful, balanced and natural diet - a plant-based diet.

This is what I mean:

Stay away from fast food, fried food, processed food and convenience food. Avoid food where you can't pronounce the ingredients.

Stop drinking soda and any sweetened bottle drinks.

Reduce the intake of three white things - white flour, salt and sugar.

Keep your food as whole and natural as possible by eating more raw fruits, veggies and nuts.

Eat more fresh vegetables and fruit instead of cooked or canned vegetables and fruits or drinking fruit juice.

Make rainbow, i.e. colorful, food part of your regular diet.

Eat a wide variety of colorful fruits and vegetables gives your body the range of valuable nutrients it needs to maintain health. And the deeper the color, the better.

To get more variety and color in your diet, try red (beets, tomatoes, watermelon),orange/yellow (carrots, sweet potatoes, lemons, oranges, grapefruits), green (spinach, broccoli), blue/purple (blueberries, grapes, raisins, and eggplant), and white (garlic,onions, bananas, potatoes).

No unhealthy snacks between meals. Snack on vegetables, fruits or nuts if you must.

Eat out less. Learn to cook from scratch to better control what you eat and how much you eat.

Start your day with a glass of water and drink plenty of water all day.

People often eat while doing other things at the same time, such as driving, watching TV and working on computer. Instead of multitasking, we should be mindful while eating.

Try to enjoy your food, eat it slowly and consciously. You will only eat as much as you need to be full.

Don't eat after dinner and before going to bed.

Brush your teeth early in the evening rather than just before bed. It keeps you from snacking if you're not really hungry.

Go to bed early and get up early. If you stay up late, you might overeat.

In essence, weight loss is about the balance between calories taken in and calories burned. Eat only when you are hungry. Try not to overeat like we often do at parties and buffets.

If you have to indulge yourself sometimes, then remember to keep everything in moderation.

Besides eating healthy and eating less, you need to exercise as well.

Walk and bike as much as you can. Use the stairs instead of the elevator whenever you can.

Join a weight-loss group for support and have an exercise buddy for motivation and accountability.

Never give up, even after you have failed a few times. When you fail, start over and keep going.

Just remember, Eat Less, Exercise More and Live Healthy!

Your reward will be a healthy and better you.

Dealing with difficult people

Woodbury Bulletin - 02/25/2009

In my last column, I talked about “slow to anger, quick to listen.” It had advice for others as well as for myself.

The same week I submitted that article for publication, I was put to test by a difficult person in my work place.

I graduated from college in 1985. Since then, I have been through two graduate programs and various jobs. I have never had any memorable problems and conflicts with anyone in schools or workplaces. I think I get along with people well.

My response towards people who are difficult is to stay away from them.

So, even though there is a difficult person in my office since I started working there several years ago, and some former colleagues left jobs because of the unhealthy environment caused by that person, I was doing fine. I never felt targeted.

But it all changed last week.

Lately, I had some issues with that person. Because I thought what that person did or did not do was not good for effective business operation, for customer service and for team work, I reported the unprofessional conduct to my supervisor.

That resulted in big trouble for me. I could feel the heat coming afterwards.

A message was sent to everyone in my office about a minor error I made. It was not a big deal at all. It didn’t cause any problem and could be easily corrected.

Personally, I won’t act the way that person did. If I find someone made that kind of innocent mistake, I would simply tell him in private and ask him to fix it. I won’t broadcast it to everyone who has nothing to do with it.

But I was OK with what that person did, because I welcome others’ criticism and corrections. I like to know what I did wrong so I can do better. I like to take responsibilities for my actions and mistakes.

I don’t have a big ego and I have enough self-esteem. So I have no problem admitting my mistakes in public if necessary.

That person could report my errors to my supervisor, my supervisor’s supervisor, or the highest power in the organization; it won’t bother me so much.

But days later, that person sent another e-mail to everyone in my office reporting another, but similar kind of mistake I supposedly made. What angered me was the mistake she reported publicly didn’t actually happen. I had the facts to prove it.

When I confronted that person, she even lied to my face and denied the thing she did for which I could again find prove.

It was hard to not get angry when I was in that situation.

How could things like that happen? It was just unbelievable to me.

I know there are always difficult people in every organization. Otherwise there won’t be so many books or presentations on dealing with difficult people.

Now I finally experienced and realized how difficult people can be. I started to understand why people leave jobs because of difficult people and unhealthy work environment.

I also saw the limits of what an individual or organization can do.

In the private sector, it is much easier to fire someone who is difficult, incompetent and can’t do his job well.

But in the public sector, it seems like almost impossible to fire someone.

Some supervisors simply give in to difficult people and give up their efforts to fire difficult people, because it is too cumbersome. It is not worth of their time and efforts.

Not being able to reward good employees and discipline difficult employees efficiently and effectively is also a problem in the public sector.

In my case, I did let my supervisor and colleagues know what the truth was.

I did write a firm letter to that person stating clearly what happened and what was wrong. I said it was not acceptable to fabricate things about another person in the public.

I also requested a public apology from that person. So far it has not happened, which was not surprising to me.

But I felt good that I stood up for myself and set the boundaries. And I did all I could do in my power.

In the end, I just have to let it go.

I know difficult people are difficult for a reason.

I know I can’t do anything to change them or the situation. All I can change is my reaction and my attitude toward them.

I know harboring anger toward that difficult person does not do me any good. It will affect my mind, my health, my life in a negative way.

Taking the high road is really the only way to keep the peace I want. And having some compassion for that difficult person is what I should do.

Slow to anger, quick to listen

Woodbury Bulletin - 02/18/2009

Normally, I don’t hear from anyone after a column is published.

So I was surprised when my Jan. 28 column about school closing generated a few angry messages from readers.

I say “angry” because either those readers got angry after reading my column or they thought I was angry about the school closing.

I can’t speak for other people why they felt the way they did. But I want to say a few words to clear any possible misunderstanding.

First of all, I was not angry when the school was closed. I was not angry when I wrote that column. It was not my intention to express any anger at anyone or the school district.

If I was not clear with my intention or in my writing, if I used the wrong words and sounded angry, or if I was disrespectful or ungrateful and therefore offended anyone, I would like to apologize here.

Yes, I was surprised by the school closing.

Yes, I was in the minority camp of parents that did not like school closing.

Yes, I can get angry like everyone else.

But to get angry with school closing? Definitely no!

School closing is not something that can affect me so much emotionally to get me angry.

As I stated in the Jan. 28 column, I knew the decision to close school was “based on the best interests of the students and employees.”

I also said: “I understand different factors are taken into consideration. I admit I only see a few trees and not the forest or the whole picture.

I also understand that other parents may have different opinions about school closing. It is OK to have different points of view. We are all different and think differently.”

I was just sharing my own thoughts and personal preferences.

I didn’t say my point of view is better than others, or my way is a better way.

I welcome others to show me the forest or the whole picture, to share their point of view, but sending me angry comments was a little overboard to me.

For example, I was told that I was incapable of following the local news on my own.

I didn’t say I couldn’t follow the local news and therefore needed someone to tell me about severe weather conditions in advance.

I am a librarian with two masters degrees and my ability to find news and information is at least about average, if not above average.

During winter time, my kids are often driven to school instead of taking the bus, when it is cold.

Sometimes I wonder whether people really take the time to read what is said and whether they really understand what is said before making comments and judgments.

Personally, I like to ask questions and say things straight from my mind. I am not afraid of looking and being dumb. I like constructive criticism.

I always tell my colleagues to correct me if I do something wrong or to let me know if something could be done differently and better.

Last week, I had a meeting with an employee from a different office who expressed dissatisfaction with a monthly publication our office puts together. It was the first time I heard a negative comment about our publication.

So, I initiated the meeting to find out how we could improve our publication and do a better job.

People are usually very polite and say nice things to make others feel good. Or they don’t say anything even if they don’t like something. They keep to themselves for the fear of offending others.

Positive comments are nice, but they don’t offer much help for improvement.

On the other hand, negative comments, if offered in a constructive way, provide food for thought and opportunities for improvement. That’s why I was very grateful for that person’s negative and honest comments.

I think it is important to provide a safe environment for people to express their opinions, thoughts, and feelings.

Oftentimes, people just want to feel heard and validated.

People can disagree with each other, but share your opinions in a calm manner and don’t get angry because others have different opinions.

We need to be more open to different ideas and different points of view.

Sometimes there is no right or wrong. What is right or wrong in your mind depends on your family and cultural backgrounds, personal experiences and value systems.

We need to be more tolerant. Don’t be easily offended by someone who has a different point of view.

Sometimes people are so passionate about their own ideas and beliefs, they can’t tolerate others who are different.

We need to be good listeners.

Sometimes we jump into conclusions and judgment too fast and too early, before others can finish what they have to say or before we really understand what has been said.

We should try to find something good in what others say. Even if 99 percent of what is said is nonsense, there is still one percent left that might be good and could help us improve, to do a better job or to be a better person.

The thought that kept coming to my mind these last two weeks is the Bible verse, “slow to anger, quick to listen.”

This is what I remind myself and also want to tell my readers who got angry with my columns or might get angry with my future columns.

Learning five love languages

Woodbury Bulletin - 02/11/2009

Have you ever read a book and liked it so much that you say to yourself, “I wish everyone would read this?”

This happens to me whenever I read a good book.

One such book I highly recommend to everyone is “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Chapman, a renowned author, speaker and marriage counselor, has more than thirty years of experience in marriage counseling. His books are widely popular.

Based on his work with thousands of people, Chapman comes to the conclusion that problems and unhappiness in marriage often have a simple root cause — we speak different love languages.

If couples don’t speak the same love language, they can’t communicate effectively. The result is miscommunication and misunderstanding and feelings of not being loved.

Chapman believes the need to feel loved is a basic human emotional need. At the heart of every human being is the desire to be loved and understood by another human being. However, what makes one person feel loved is not always the thing that makes another person feel loved.

In the field of linguistics, there are many different languages: English, German, Chinese, French, Italian, Spanish, etc.

Most people grow up learning and speaking a certain language which becomes our primary or native language. We are most comfortable speaking this language.

Naturally, if one person speaks only English and another speaks only Chinese, they can’t communicate with each other. At the very least their communication will be limited.

In the area of love, there are also different languages.

Chapman identifies five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. They are five ways that people speak and understand love.

A language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects.

If you like to use kind words and verbal compliments to express love, then your primary love language is words of affirmation.

If being together, doing things together, spending focused time together, having quality conversation with each other, and giving each other undivided attention is important to you, then your primary love language is quality time.

If you think giving and receiving gifts is the way to express love, then your primary love language is gifts.

If you feel most loved when your spouse does something for you and if you seek to please your spouse by serving her/him, then your primary love language is acts of service.

If holding hands, kissing, embracing and being intimate makes you feel loved, then your primary love language is physical touch.

As we grow up, we develop a primary emotional love language based on our unique psychological makeup and the environment. We will speak and understand one primary love language.

We often love our spouse the way we'd like to be loved, and so does our spouse love us the way they'd like to be love.

But husband and wife rarely speak the same primary love language. We become frustrated when our spouse doesn’t understand what we are communicating. We think we are expressing love, but the message doesn’t come through, because what we are speaking is like a foreign language to them.

If your love language is different than your spouse’s, then no matter how hard you try to express love, you will not understand how to love each other.

Chapman uses the concept of the emotional love tank. When our love tank is full, we feel secure and loved. But when our love tank is empty, we feel used and not loved.

If we want to fill our spouse’s love tank, to meet their emotional need for love, and to be effective communicators of love, we must be willing to learn their primary love language. If we want our spouse to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in their primary love language.

Once we meet our spouse’s emotional need and fill their love tank by speaking their primary love language, chances are they will reciprocate and speak our love language.

Chapman believes that learning and understanding the primary love language of yourself and your spouse is one of the keys to a loving relationship.

If you are interested in learning more about the five love language and discovering your and your spouse’s love language, if you long to improve your relationship with your spouse, your children, your parents, or your siblings, then you will benefit from reading the book.

You can find the book at the Washington County Library, local book stores or online.

The book will also make a great Valentine’s gift for your loved ones.